Friday, December 23, 2016

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

In case you are wondering, Harrison Ford is in Blade Runner 2049. Maybe he will be mostly made of android parts. In 2049 I'll be made of android parts too. Don't let them sell you on a bionic appendix. That's a waste of money. I will take that undercarriage clear coating, because, I mean, it's the oxidation that will get ya.

Yes, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep is the book behind Blade Runner.....and it is awesome. It's definitely different than the movie, it's funnier and the plot moves really fast. In 2021 apparently phone-booths will make a comeback and we'll have laser-guns! Post-nuclear times make animal life precious and so it's a big deal (and a status symbol) to have an animal and take good care of it. As I LOVE animals, I'm like yes, finally! I have two animals so suck on that neighbors! I'm not so crazy about that radioactive fallout though. BUT I STILL WANT THAT DAMN HOVERCAR.

I don't know what the big deal is about killing androids, I mean, can't you just get them wet? Maybe they have a giant rice filled swimming pool they get into and plot their revenge in the two days it takes to dry them out. I'll bet the new movie doesn't have jokes. Would it be so hard to call a nightclub the Control-Alt-Delete? A tiny antique looking portrait of Bender? Man, that'd be sweet. No, it's probably be all slick with gravitas out the ying-yang.

There is an important scene in here with bourbon which is very rare in the future....note to self...stockpile more. Read this with a Bourbon Hovercar...ok, it's called a Bourbon Lift, which seems perfect for the holidays: 1 and 1/2 ounces decent bourbon, 1/2 ounce coffee liquor, 1/2 ounce half and half, 1/2 ounce orgeat (you can buy or make). Put these ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake and strain into a Collins glass fill the glass slowly with club soda. It should have a an egg cream or root beer float style foam head.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

The Lathe of Heaven

What if your dreams became reality?  I don't mean one of those stupid inspirational posters you see. Or those messages you get from your distant relatives that are in one of those multi level marketing schemes...(shakes fist).  No, I mean what you actually dream when you are sleeping becomes the new reality. Freaky.

Written in 1971, Lathe of Heaven is a dystopian novel set in the future...and that future is 2002. What? Our protagonist George Orr (I'm sure that name is not a coincidence) has the ability to change reality with "active dreaming." If my dreams became a reality there would be a lot of college students showing up for an exam without going to class....actually I do think that is happening. I'm freaking myself out.

I kid you not I actually dreamed this last week: A group of unruly high school students came to tour my work (we do get groups of 4 or 5 in real life) but this was more like 25 students. I could not get them to be quiet and settle down in one spot. To make things worst there was one boy who just kept saying "Balls, Balls,Balls, Balls, Balls." My dreams are very realistic.

While this is a very good book, I'm not sure if I can recommend a dystopian book right about now.  I guess I can take heart in that global warming is not quite as bad as in this book and there haven't been any nuclear bombs go off and devastating population dropping pandemics. Not that we don't have these problems but not to this extent.  Even so, you might need a palate cleansing book after this.  Or my homemade Prozac.

Why not drink this with something from the past? This one was hot in the 70's: Harvey Wallbanger: 1 and 1/2 ounces vodka, 4 ounces orange juice, 1/2 ounce Galliano.  Pour the orange juice and vodka in a large glass with ice, gently top the drink with the Galliano. Garnish with an orange slice and a cherry for garnish.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Norwegian Wood

"This book knocked my socks off!"-- Bill Cosby

"This book is right up my alley. What a realistic portrayal of college life." -- Roman Polanski

"I've heard worse." -- Billy Bush

This book should be subtitled: Holden Caulfield goes to College in Japan and the Adventures With His Wiener! Ah, remember the good old days the days when women were nymphomaniacs but ultimately submissive and also amazing cooks? Neither do I.

Actually, I like Holden Caulfield more than Toru Watanabe. Holden is a tortured disaffected youth that can't deal with tragedy without a psychotic break. I get that. Toru is a music loving "nice guy" that has women all over him for no discernible reason. Oh, you're so good with words Toru...oh, how about we do it Toru....oh BARF. Compliments, free snacks and various forms of wiener release from nearly every woman in the book I might add. (plus jazz music, coffee and The Great Gatsby for some reason). I mean really Toru are you an NBA player? Oh, baby your use of irregular verbs makes me want to look at your dangling participle. Why this book isn't labelled Fantasy is beyond me.

There is a brief mention of a well at the beginning of this novel which got me overly excited. Man, some supernatural powers in this book would have been sweet.  No, narcissism is not a supernatural power. Sadly, it's all too natural these days.

Like all Murakami novels there is a little whiskey drinking. Try this variation on an Old Fashioned-- Heck's Old Fashioned: Drop 2 sugar cubes in a rocks glass, add 4 dashes of Angostura bitters, a lemon wheel, and orange wheel, a lime wheel, a maraschino cherry and 1/2 teaspoon of grenadine. Muddle these enough to release the juices.  Add 1/4 cup bourbon or rye whiskey, add ice and stir to combine top with equal parts and club soda.