In the Heart of the Sea

I'm really sad that Burger King no longer calls their fish sandwich The Whaler.  I think it was meant to be the co-conspirator of the Whopper.  I'm sure BK liked the symmetry in naming their giant greasy sandwiches.  What name can we give it that makes it sounds like you are getting something large but might make you sick?  Hey, not only do I have one name.....I've got two!  Anyway, In the Heart of the Sea is about whalers who suffer more problems than a lonely teenager that tries to eat a Whopper and Whaler in the same sitting.  We call that the ol' plebeian surf and turf.

Do you think I'm not going to read a non-fiction book about a shipwrecked whaling ship, because that sounds boring. Well, you're boring, and also dead wrong.  This book is awesome.  It's very exciting and well written. I listened to the audio book and the narration was excellent too.  It gets all the stars.  (Yeah, it won a National Book Award too, pfft...whatever).

The story about the Essex is the the inspiration for Moby Dick. The author tells you right away some of the worst parts but then explains how it all went down. People were so weird in the olden times. At one point I was rooting for the whale because these peoples' relationship to nature was so bizarre.  What if you came across your buddy and you see he sits down to eat a baby panda.  You would say--C'mon! He's like, what? (baby panda leg hanging out of his mouth). [That did not happen in the book  although they would have totally done that if there were pandas around]. Maybe in the future people will think this about us. I can't believe they used to eat pork back in the day....those are the Emperor's ancestors for Pete's sake.

Drinks: The main thing you will want to drink with this book is water...lots and lots of water. Once you've had your fill how about a super refreshing "last of summer" celebration cocktail: Sgroppino (It's a Venetian drink): 1 oz vodka, one small scoop lemon sorbet, 3 oz Prosecco. In a small bowl, whisk the vodka, sorbet and some of the Prosecco until it reaches a slushy consistency. Slowly add the rest of the Prosecco and incorporate with a whisk.  Transfer this to a champagne flute.  (It's like an adult slushy).

Under Heaven

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? Remember that from Gladiator? What if you had a person, off camera say...."Meh"? or "Uninspired!" (Gladiator instantly turns into a Mel Brooks movie).  Anyway, Under Heaven, while well written, was just not my thing.  In fact, it supposedly gets "exciting" at the end but by then I was kind of in slog-mode. It is about 85% historical fiction with a "hint" of supernatural.  They say it's fantasy but it's not really fantasy. Set in 8th century China its about some dude, horses, concubines, ghosts, a wolf-man (not the fun kind, who makes a wolf-man boring!), ninjas...even "lady ninjas" and lots and lots of court intrigue.

I'm not sure women were this empowered in the olden times.  I guess theoretically there would be a lady ninja or a petite, super-cute lady warrior but I doubt it. You know there would be some 8th century idiot that made a proclamation that lady-ninjas weren't smart, strong or "too emotional" to be hired.  It turns out the idiot is just some bro who lives in his parent's basement playing mah-jong all day and never held a sword in his life (he had a collection of swords but had no idea how to actually use them).

There are plenty of people that liked this book, but sadly, I thought it meh.  I listened to some on audio and the narrator is excellent (one reason I picked this up) but still.....I've heard this is not Kay's best work so I'll probably give him another chance.

Drinks: The characters in this book drink warm spiced rice wine.  Mulled wine will sound amazing in about three months but it's a still a little too hot right now. How about a Ginger Ale and Sake drink?: Mix roughly equal parts sake and ginger ale in a glass with ice and serve with a lemon twist.