Cloud Atlas

What do a nineteenth century traveller, a rakish young composer, a cute reporter from the 80's, an aging publisher on the lam from thugs, a fast-food drone from the future and a primitive man from the distant future have in common?  Answer: I have no idea.  If fact, if you find out can you let me know?  David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas incorporates these stories in his self described "Russian Nesting Doll" styled book. What does that even mean?  This is the easiest way to describe it, think of each story as a letter, the book reads like this (ABCDEFFEDCBA).  The "F" story is extra long because it is in the middle.  Once you realize this is the format, you might feel like you got "F'd" yourself.  The "A" story, set in the olden times, stops mid sentence and then picks up on page like 480.  I forgot to mention that F is written in heavy dialect. Luckily for Mitchell, these are compelling and creative stories, otherwise the work involved in reading this book would be annoying. Alright, still annoying, but a decent book nonetheless. 

Its hard to describe this book, its a collection of short stories some of which are set in the future some in the past but yet still integrated into a novel.  I think Mitchell went to an old-school brick and mortar bookstore looked at the sign above the sections and said: "I will write a book about True Crime, Music, Travel Narratives, Sci-Fi, Conspiracy Theory, Short Stories, sure, yeah, all of those."  Put them all in and let the reader sort it out.

Apparently this is not the first time he's told a story with multiple narrators whose stories intersect.  But Mitchell wrote that first novel in 1999. 1999 was the year when the Sega Dreamcast debuted, we still had a space program and the year Bill Clinton was acquitted of impeachment.  Anything was possible in 1999.

I've been reading a lot of books set in the future.  All have grimtastic vision of a ruined environment and the humans become impoverished and more primitive.  Essentially, the Planet of the Apes archetype.  Why can't the future be positive? A simple tax code, a fast and pleasant way to travel and dress shoes that don't feel like torture devices.  Now that I think about it, without that space program my dream shoes are never going to happen.  Planet of Apes it is. 

Drinks: A Dark and Stormy is apparently a trademarked drink name of Gosling Rum.  How about a Dark and Cloudy?  I like Flor de Cana Nicaraguan rum anyway.  Unlike Cloud Atlas, this recipe is very easy: 1/2 ginger beer and 1/2 rum over ice and a squeeze of lime juice to taste.

1Q84

Apparently I have been pronouncing this book wrong for the last year. I have been saying IQ84 and not 1Q84. Now, an IQ of 84 is not good. Its sometimes called a dull normal. Also, it took me an equally long time to figure out that the Q is a cute homonym for the Japanese word, kyu, which means nine. Now, why am I beating myself up for this, you ask? I took Japanese in college. I do a Japanese martial art. Dammit! I am not a dull normal! But the cleverness doesn't stop there, no 1Q84 is set in 1984 and heavily references George Orwell's 1984. This thing is mega-meta. There is a lot of weird sex stuff, which is typical Murakami. The Japanese word for boobs is chichi. I think Murakami had a post-it note on his computer monitor when he wrote this, that said: "Write something every day, but first, chichi." 

In this story, Aomame is a mysterious, petite woman who can kick ass, despite being Chairman of the itty-bitty-titty-committee. Tengo, a smart, but otherwise dull normal man gets embroiled in Aomame's mystery but his part in the story involves a sixteen-year old girl with giant boobs. You should know that the sixteen-year old is a semi literate, semi mute, petite hot chick. Think a savant-sex doll. Creeped out yet? Some of the characters in 1Q84 don't even have names. They are referred to only by their haircuts: ponytail, buzz cut, bowl cut (aka "weight line") and The Rachel. Ok, I made some of those up. 

Murakami isn't for everyone. Its slipstream, which means, is this the real world or am I losing my mind?  Also, I would not read this as your first Murakami.  Its 925 pages but feels like 1125.  The plot moves slooooowly. The sex stuff is creeeeepy. But, is there anyone that writes like Murakami? And this is a translation. He is a genius.  Weird as hell, but a genius.    

Drinks:  Aomame drinks Cutty Sark at a bar while trying to get men to have sex with her. While I've never had Cutty Sark, I've always though it seemed cheap and nasty.  Unacceptable for Scotch. 

In this book, the moon is a prominent plot point, so I am suggesting a Blue Moon Cocktail:  2 oz gin, 1/2 oz lemon juice, and 1/4 ounce creme de violette. One of my favorite cocktails is a variation on this called an Aviation. Same recipe, but add 1/2 oz maraschino liqueur.  It is fantastic.  For fun, you call that one, I don't know, a Two Moon Cocktail...just for kicks. 



Mr. Penumbra's 24 Hour Bookstore

People love this book. People love Cool-Whip.  I used to love Cool-Whip myself, that was until I ate real whipped cream.  Now Cool-Whip tastes like Monsanto light sweet crude to me.  I can see where one might enjoy this book in theory, but c'mon its pretty damn crappy.  Everything about this book is contrived.  The hardcover book even glows-in-the-dark.  Written in a abstract, it seems like a good idea for a book.  Whoops, the first time author used to work at Twitter and considers himself a media inventor. Uh-oh.

Our narrator Clay Jannon, (stupid name), a former designer but laid off during the Great Recession (so current--can't you relate!) works the late shift at a 24 hour San Francisco bookstore.  Oddly, this is the only 24 hour bookstore in San Francisco that does not involve porn (fiction!).  The small number of customers that come in are working from "secret stacks." These books look like nonsense, unless you are into The Bible Code.  That was a really hot book in like 1996.  It turns out its all about a secret society involving fonts. Ok, I kind of like fonts, I'll give him that. 

Robin Sloan is not a good writer.  Sorry dude, you may be a fantastic tweeter, but a novel is not a simple matter of 140 characters.  Unless you are George R.R. Martin and those characters are not so simple.  This book reads like it was sponsored by Google.  There is lot of time devoted to Google and how awesome it is!  It feels like one big ad for Google.  I DO NOT LIKE THAT. That is the last thing I want in a novel, commercials.  Unless that commercial is for something in Diagon Alley and that item is something like butterbeer. 

There are a lot of geeky things in this book.  But something doesn't feel right, in Ready Player One, you could feel the love from the geek trivia, really feel it.  I suspect Robin Sloan probably is a tech geek but there is something "fake-geek-hot-chick-with-glasses-that-don't-really-have-glass-in-them-geek" about it. Its icky.  

Drinks:  The characters drink something called the Blue Screen of Death. (Get it?!)  I have never tried it but it doesn't sound too awful. 3/4 oz. vodka and 1/2 oz tequila with several dashes of Blue Curacao liquor shaken with ice. Sounds strong, but if anyone tries it, let me know.  I will try it myself, but Blue Curacao is not something I have just sitting around.

Also, I think this would be fun to try because its set in San Francisco.  San Francisco Cocktail: 1oz sloe gin, 1 oz sweet vermouth, 1 oz. dry vermouth, dash of orange bitters, dash of aromatic bitters.  Shaken with ice, garnish with a cherry. Dang, I need some ingredients for this one too. Well, at least this blog isn't sponsored by Bacardi and I spend my whole review talking about how awesome it is.

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell

How can you make a novel about a magical world tedious?  Well, make it 1000+ pages, check.  Footnotes, that add nothing, check. I resisted this book for years.  Originally published in 2004, at that time I was working at a bookstore and the hype surrounding this first time novel was ape-shit.  That is not always a good thing.  Also, it had a ringing endorsement from a fellow bookseller that has questionable taste. Very questionable taste.  My instincts were right.  It was over-publicized and the taste is still very questionable.

Set in early 1800's England, magic is not a fictional construct but a part of the history of Great Britain.  A gentleman could "study" magic, but no gentlemen "practised" magic anymore.  That is until one rich jackass does, then another rich jackass does.  At first they get along, then they don't.  Also, fairies are the ultimate jackasses, but you knew that already. I know what you are thinking, fairies...then there will be sexy vampires.  No, in this book the closest you get to a vampire is an alcoholic bum that lives under a bush. 

It took Susanna Clarke ten years to write this book.  She wrote it in her spare time. You would think it would have more passion after editing cookbooks all day. It feels more like trying to make a sourdough starter using wild yeast. Yeah, lets let it sit out for a month and hope random floating crap in the air will make it interesting. Also, it has some of the WORST illustrations I have ever seen. Keep in mind, I went to a state university art school. I saw hungover Goth kids draw something 15 minutes before the critique that looked better than these. 

Illustrations aside, this is not a terrible fantasy book, but not worth the hype.  Apparently it is currently in production for a seven episode series on BBC and it could be kick-ass so I'm keeping an open mind. 

As for a drink pairing, this book, if nothing, is a glimpse into the class hierarchies in England in the early 1800's.  So your choice of drink while reading this might say something about your social strata. 

In this time period, high class ladies and gentlemen might drink Claret, which is the British word for a Bordeaux.  If you are lower class, you drink gin.  This is particularly true if you have no major issues about living under the local shrubbery.  I like both.  Screw the hierarchies.

Clockwork Orange

Alright I cheated. This is not the cover of the version I read.  This is the German translation, but c'mon, this cover is awesome.

I'm sure you are aware of this dystopian, satirical, thought-provoking novel. Set in the future, under a kind quasi-Stalinistic England, roving gangs of ruffians inflict violence narrating in their own odd slang.

I also think you already know what happens to our sociopathic narrator as the book and movie infiltrated popular culture completely.  Yes, Alex's prison number is quietly referenced in Ready Player One.  Inside nerd joke. That is not a joke about the inside of a nerd, but that sounds like a good start to a joke if you ask me. The punchline involves half-digested Magic the Gathering game cards.

This book is the literary equivalent of a supersaturated solution full of provocative "big questions."  Normally that would tick me off, as I despise any story with ham-fisted manipulation (which sounds delicious).  For example, I despised that movie Crash.  I hated the Kite Runner.  Clockwork Orange is much more subtle, and raises more questions than answers.  I does lose minor points for difficult-to-read heavy dialect.  You may want a decoder.  Apparently many are available on the interwebs. 

According to said interwebs, the dialect is loosely based on Russian.  An appropriate drink would be a White Russian.  It is also appropriate because the characters drink a lot of "spiked milk."

White Russians are easy to make and even easier to drink.  There are variations, but the ratio is roughly 2 parts vodka, 1 part Kahlua and one part light cream or half and half. Serve over ice.  I highly recommend drinking it in a small glass.  It does not taste like a full-blown cocktail.  IT IS.  Do not under any circumstances drink it out of a full sized tumbler or full mason jar.  Together, we'll promise not to do this (in the future) and we'll call it the Warsaw Pact.

The Night Circus

I could recommend this book to you and you may still hate it.  It may shake your faith in my reasoning, discerning taste and my book knowledge. You should know that I read this book at a time in my life when I needed to go to a magic circus world for a little bit.  You may not need to go to magic circus, you may be well adjusted and want some Jonathan Franzen in your life. This is not Franzen, Pynchon or even Chabon.  This is Harry Potter for adults.  Are you ok with that? 

Erin Morgenstern is a visual artist and a young Smith College graduate.  She wanted to write a best selling novel? Why the hell not. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!  She admits her first submitted manuscript was a hot mess and they made her rewrite the whole thing.  I still suspect even with the rewrite her editor felt like he or she was bench pressing free-weights on Jupiter. Some think it needed another rewrite. It was obvious the publisher saw the raw material for what it was (Harry Potter for adults--YE$!) 

This is the story of dueling magicians. There is no way to avoid comparisons to The Prestige written by Christopher Priest and made into a movie starring Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale.  A fun game to play is to ask people who is hotter, Jackman or Bale. I was at a table with about six straight guys and the overwhelming answer was Christian Bale.  They were vehement about it.  The answer was definitive and swift.  It was clear they had really thought about it and more than once.  But I digress, this book features a man and a woman who must duel....to the death. The magicians are trained by two sick bastards as a long standing bet.  Those bastards remind me of the Dukes in Trading Places.

Do you remember my snacking theory from my review of Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter? This book has the most amazing snacks featuring: hot chocolate, warm cider, cinnamon pastries, drizzled popcorn and ten course dinners.  Clearly this was written by someone amidst the throes of PMS. I was ok with it...very ok. 

Morgenstern creates a beautiful setting with her background as an visual artist.  Despite its flaws I liked it.  One trusted friend thought she couldn't quite pull it together. I, however, needed a delicious, beautiful world to live in for 387 pages so I enjoyed it.

If you read this in the fall I would drink some mulled cider.  Any other time, drink with any Bells beer because they are consistently good and no one can argue their talent and craft. Drink a Bells with Christian Bale. Apparently everyone can get on board with that....and I mean everyone.     

Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter

I had a minor existential crisis after reading this book.  Of course, I have at least one existential crisis every week.  How can I not like a book with rave reviews?  Well, its because this book is just not right for me.  I should have known reading the book's description.  An atmospheric drama set in rural Mississippi....(oh no.) Two men who once called each other friends must confront the past they have buried for decades. (ugh.)  Now, I would have been on board with a book description like this:  Two men who once called each other friends must confront the past hidden dragon eggs they have buried for decades.

The existential crisis involved asking myself, "Am I a snob?" The answer is probably.  However, I will submit to you, gentle reader, that I loved that movie Winter's Bone. Those people were very poor, very rednecky and had enough Appalachian drama for three movies.  I think the difference was the protagonist was feisty and tough (and she looked super hot in an Oscar dress.)   

The characters in Crooked Letter are not as poor as in those in Winter's Bone, but they are kind of pathetic.  Everything is kind of sad.  The situations are sad, the people are sad and most importantly the food is sad.  Almost all works of fiction include some meals and/or snacking. It really sets a mood.  Here, Silas, the town cop, eats two greasy hot dogs he got from the diner which he carried around in a paper sack.  How is this even possible?  I did not think hot dogs were even portable!  How would the bag not be destroyed by the grease?  I do not know--but I refuse to google "two hot dogs in a sack"  because I'm very afraid of the results. 

Tom Franklin is a fine writer and I really wish him continued success.  I read this book because I wanted to participate in an online book club and this was their pick.  I should have remembered that I am insanely picky and weird.  I have never been what someone call "normal." I still submit that I am not a snob.  But "the lady doth protest too much methinks." Wait, that's fancy Shakespeare talk. I am getting too big for my britches. 

Drinks: Someone recently gave me a whole bottle of Jack Daniels and I didn't know what to do with it.  I asked my local expert and he recommended an Old Fashioned.
Here we go:  Dissolve a lump of sugar with a little water in a whiskey glass and add two dashes of Angostura bitters.  Then add a small piece of ice, a piece of lemon peel and one jigger of whiskey.  Mix with a bar spoon.  It was pretty good.  I can't help wondering, maybe fancier whiskey? Dammit! I am a snob.