Perdido Street Station

It takes some cojones to name your own genre.  China Mieville calls his work "weird fiction." Of course when you are a man named China, well you'd better grow some, because with that name I would imagine as a child he got a daily beat down.  Perdido Street Station is really steampunk fantasy.  Set in a the city of  New Crobuzon, well, its pretty wild.  Bird-men, frog-men, cactus-men, beetle-ladies, intelligent robots and scary monsters.  Oh, and humans too, some with cyborg attachments.  I don't think you even have to name this "weird fiction," I mean, we get it. 

Anyway, the book won more fantasy awards than you can shake a wand at and there is a reason. Its is pretty gritty and pretty weird.  But when you think about it, is New Crobuzon all that different than any city?  Modern artists literally chew and spit out works, scientists are poor and fat and the politicians are corrupt and converse with agents of the devil.  Now, Steampunk was kind of fad so hurry up and read this already before it becomes laughable. 

I have a "first world problem" with this book.  The book was written in 2003 right before the kindle thing blew up. There are very detailed descriptions of this city and trying to reference the map on a kindle is difficult.  I know, wah, wah, wah.  China Mieville has purposefully created New Crobuzon as a character so there are a lot of detailed descriptions. I just made up my own map in my mind so I'm pretty sure some of the characters went through a neighborhood called Rascal Flats.  There is a cactus dome full of cactus people. I call that cactus dome.  I know, real creative.  Hey, give me a break, this book is crazy enough on its own.    

Drinks: I recommend the Some Moth Cocktail.  You read that right, Moth.  Such a weird name.  Anyway, its from the Savoy Cocktail Book from the olden times:  2/3 Plymouth Gin, 1/3 French Vermouth and dash of Absinthe.  Add a pearl onion. (I probably won't add the pearl onion because I think that represents the moth's cocoon and that is just nasty). 


    

Electric Barracuda

Does anyone have an uncle that thinks he is hilarious when he farts in a leather chair?  Maybe? Well, this book does.  Think Dexter if told by your uncle with jokes, jokes and more (bad) jokes.  I call this genre joke noir.  Its kind of like the Jack Handy books but the jokes are not nearly as funny and it has an actual plot.  Electric Barracuda is intended to be a "thriller" of sorts.  Also, it is the reverse of most jokey books, the protagonist is the brilliant one and most of the other characters are idiots.  Here is the problem: at one point our main character, Serge Storms, raps.  Yeah, old-white-man-thinks-he-is-hilarious-rap.  Unforgivable.  To put the topping on this poop sandwich its all jokes about Florida.  It could not push more of my "I hate this" buttons.  Oh, wait, it does.  Some of the jokes are sexist, but not funny enough not to be offensive.  At least I didn't notice any racist jokes.  That is sad, the best thing I can say about this book is that it does not have any offensive racist jokes.  Also, it is fairly short. 

This book is really one of those either you love it or hate this type of thing. On Goodreads the people loved it!  (Don't trust Goodreads reviews).  THIS BOOK SUCKS EGGS. I almost forgot to tell you that it full of Florida facts--not jokes but like a Florida travel guide.  I hate Florida.  Wound, meet your new friend, salt.

You are not going to read this book.  Don't even read it for the novelty of reading a crappy book.  You should however drink this drink.  Florida is the sunshine state.  Why not drink Sunshine in a Glass?  1 1/2 oz Lillet, three dashes sunshine bitters, sparkling wine.  Build in a flute glass, top with sparkling wine and garnish with lemon or orange peel.  What are sunshine bitters?  Apparently some delicious concoction made out of saffron and cardamon.  This drink was created by Molly Wellman who has a new handcrafted cocktail book.  I see that the recipe for the cocktail and the bitters is her new book, which I am getting for Christmas (even if I buy it myself).  My friend Rob gave me the inspiration for using this recipe, including this awesome photo that includes a book no less.  Thank you Rob (who is by far the best non-professional cocktail maker I know).

The Warded Man

Every time I saw this book lying around I started singing "This Charming Man" by The Smiths.  Apparently my warbling, overly loud Morrissey impression was disturbing the cats.  They kept looking over their shoulders and moving away at a fast trot.

In The Warded Man, Peter Brett's first novel, we are told the story of three children who overcome nasty childhoods to become successful but dysfunctional adults who battle demons.  That story seems familiar, maybe its based on the life story of Tom Cruise.

In this fantasy novel, the world had a small problem.  Every night, as soon as it gets dark, the earth's core chokes up demons derived from natural elements.  Think wood demons, wind demons, etc.. The demons will tear you to pieces and eat you on sight.  One way to protect yourself is by putting calligraphic symbols around you that create a magic net.  The one character said well, screw this, I'm just going to tattoo those symbols on my body and fight back even if I look like something you would see on TLC or in a bar in Portland.  Whatever.  It's an alternative lifestyle.  There is also a big boobed girl and a redheaded fiddler with half a hand.  The fiddler's music also repels demons. The boobs do not repel demons.  But they attract men who will protect those boobs, so it kind of works when you think about it. 

Its a decent fantasy novel, however, its not amazing.  It takes a long time to the good parts so you may want to skip it.  Fantasy readers are both simultaneously voracious and picky.  Like Hungry Owls.  Hungry Owls would make a good name for a Fantasy Book Club. Copyright pending.

Drinks: Drink with a glass of vintage port that is as dark as demon blood and as sweet as Morrissey's falsetto. 

The Tipping Point

Last year I listened to What the Dog Saw, read by the same author Malcolm Gladwell.  If you've ever seen him interviewed, he's kind of a weird dude.  I was in my car and literally laughed out loud because at one point he said "Ketchup is amazing." Except he said it with such enthusiasm and emphasis is came out like this: "Ketchup...is...amaaazing." Well, ok buddy.   

The Tipping Point came out a long time ago and it was always on my "I should really read that" someday.  But it turns out that this book was trendy and I'm not totally sure it holds up. It was originally published in 2000 and it feels ancient. As Gladwell would say...."It..feels..aaacient." At one point while discussing remembering phone numbers he says, well, that it why we have phone books and maybe a Rolodex. What the hell.

The book talks about what makes things "tip." What makes a thing turning into a "thing." He uses that same kind of loosely based scientific studies that make you wonder if these studies are making cognative leaps based on coorelations rather than causation. Wait, its not that intellectual. (*punches self in side of head*) Quit thinking so much and enjoy the conclusions! (*drink*)

This book makes you feel like a loser because you are not one of these catalysts for making something "tip."  You are probably not a Maven, Connector or a Salesmen.  I'm not any of those things.  I'm also not whatever Malcolm Gladwell is either.  Sure I like ketchup but c'mon, dude, take it down a notch. 

Drinks: Drink with a fine single barrel whiskey.  We will call that the Tippling Point.  Because, frankly, its close enough. 
  

The Silver Linings Playbook

When I go to the movies I usually see those "blow up" action films that you just can't replicate at home.  I do not go to romantic movies to see a four foot version of Jennifer Lawrence's butt, although I can see the appeal.  I haven't seen the movie, but reading a book after the movie has come out, well, you can't help but picture the actors as the main characters. Not that I'm complaining about visualizing Bradley Cooper.  No, not complaining. 

Themes of this book include mental illness and football.  Frankly, its hard to tell the difference between an Eagle's fan and the mentally ill.  I had a friend that dated an Eagle's fan, and I get the impression that the book is not an exaggeration, that Eagle's fans are like football jihadists.  I suspect they are like Firefly fans but more likely to beat the crap out of you.  No thanks.

The book is written in the style of a diary by the protagonist who just spent several years in the mental hospital.  Maybe the illness or drugs addled his brain but he is kind of a simpleton.  It makes him likable and it certainly makes it easy to read but you can't help but wonder, dude, you'll never reintegrate yourself back into the workforce.  Well, maybe he can work at Foot Locker.

Overall, not a bad little book, not amazing, certainly not a struggle to read.  Pat, our protagonist is so likable and relatable you will think you are mentally ill too. But then again, I already knew that. 

Drinks:  Pat is not supposed to drink while he's on his medications but he drinks when he's watching football anyway. They drink Yuengling, as its set in Philly and Southern NJ, so that makes sense.  Feel free to drink your own local beer.  I like Madtree, not for just use as a joke, its actually quite good, crazy good. 

Heart of Darkness

This small classic novella is a significant book whether you want to read a classic, educate yourself on the inspiration for Apocalypse Now, or find an awesome title for your new metal album.  Its public domain now, right?  Heart of Darkness sounds like a medical condition involving a clotting disorder and maybe it is, I am not a medical doctor, but it is also a classic book about some crazy colonialists in Africa.

People were dumb in the olden times.  This was the age when they believed in phrenology.  Phrenology is a pseudoscience (they didn't think it was so pseudo at the time) which involves the measuring of a subject's head and the expert could determine a person's character and personality.  Marlow, our narrator, gets his head measured by the physician before he goes on his big voyage to Africa.  It seems to be the most important part of his physical, unlike getting vaccines or getting preventive medicine before going to malaria-town.  In the doctor's defense, Marlow could now order a fitted Padres' baseball cap for his river adventure.

Marlow, our riverboat captain narrator, sure talked fancy for being a riverboat captain.  He was full of philosophical and emotive language.  Maybe before the Internet, people had more time to get a diverse and comprehensive education, instead of my typical day which includes 2-3 hours of figuring out ideal hash tags and how to get my hands on a copy of next season's Game of Thrones.  One thing that is confusing is that all of the action described is by use of pronoun.  And there are too manys "he's."  And trust me, this adventure is one big sausage-fest.  Is this "he" crazy-man Kurtz?  Is he the crazy Russian or the pink pajama wearing-gun toting-ivory agent?  Even the few ladies don't have names.  C'mon Conrad, just make something up! Oh, wait, you can't because your dead.  Don't feel bad, Conrad lived to be 66 and in the olden times that was a long life.

Drinks: Malaria again--so I have no choice but to recommend a tonic drink.   This one is complicated but its called the Pith Helmet so we need this.  Also this is from David Lebovitz, so I'm sure its awesome.  It involves two types of gin.  I'm going to give a link because it involves quite a few steps and photos:  http://www.davidlebovitz.com/2013/07/pith-helmet-pimms-cup-cocktail-recipe/

The Stench of Honolulu: A Tropical Adventure

I was curious to know if Jack Handey was on Twitter. The author of all those Deep Thoughts, his pithy style was designed for Twitter.  He is not, because Jack Handey is old school and those carefully crafted sayings, well, he doesn't write those for free.  It makes sense that a professional joke writer would actually get paid for these jokes.  That seems like an Onion article right there: Middle Aged Man Hopes to Get Paid for Writing Jokes. 

It turns out Jack Handey, ex SNL writer (Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer) has been quietly writing books these last few years.  They are little joke books, the kind that you would buy your Dad for his birthday and be glad you found something (even if he'll never read it and you find it later when you take him to the old folks home with its pristine binding and birthday card still in it). 

If you were to actually read the Stench of Honolulu, its large font and smaller format would probably only take you about 65-70 minutes.  The protagonist is one of those insane characters like the Pirate Captain from the The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists by Gideon Defoe.  If you've never read that, think one of the characters from Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Clueless, narcissistic dummies.

This book is ridiculous but its good for a laugh, or at least a chuckle.  I also read What I'd say to the Martians and Other Veiled Threats.  Guess what, more jokes. I do like a common theme in both books which is his "so-called friend named Don." Which is funny because I really do have an acquaintance named Don.  Maybe Jack knows that we all have a so called friend named Don.  Well played sir, well played. 

Drinks: Our main character who sometimes goes by the name of "Slurps," drinks Scotch.  A lot of Scotch.  He drinks a brand called Glenriddance. Which for Scotch drinkers is pretty funny. So drink with your finest cheapest Scotch.  Even for jokes, I don't believe in cheap Scotch, so drink with a Balvenie and a cigar taken from a beheaded man's mouth.  Read it, you'll get the joke, or not, and just think I'm a sick bastard, either way, it makes no difference to me.