Vanity Fair

Vanity Fair is not as funny as the Dickens' novels I have read, which is sad, although to be fair I may not be getting all the jokes. I think some of the names are a play on words or referencing famous people we don't remember anymore.  Perhaps it's like hearing a 200 year old Honey Boo-Boo joke.

One of the strangest aspects of this book is the narration. Throughout the novel the narrator keeps mentioning himself almost randomly.  It felt just like the old "Clippy" when Microsoft Word was new and Clippy would pop up asking if you were writing a letter. If you don't remember Clippy, well congratulations!  Either you are too young to remember him or suppressed this memory. In this book Thackeray is popping up telling you:  It looks like you are reading my novel.  Did you know you are reading my novel?

Yeah, we know, Clippy, calm down, that's what being an author is all about. I'm just going to put you in in the corner there, now feel free to fall asleep because I've got this.

Don't be tempted to read anything on the internet about this book (you'll be tempted to sort out the characters) but they put in spoilers. That happened to me.  I had about 30 pages left and spoiled the ending for myself. I had 200 years..... Anyway, this is not bad at all if you are interested in reading the classics, again this was originally published as a serial (that means it is very big--900 pages--so consider yourself warned).

Vanity Fair is a darker, more satirical and more critical of the society than most olden times books. I'm pretty sure Thackeray was a Gen-Xer. I think Social Security ran out right before he was ready to collect too.

Drinks: In this book, what you drank was a complete class "thing." In some ways that's still true but now it is more about quality than whole categories of drinks.  Gentlemen drank Claret or Madeira. Drinking gin was like one step above a homeless dude. Our villain (brilliant but evil) drinks a Rum Shrub which I think was not all that classy.  However, a Rum Shrub sounds kind of awesome.....Blackberry Rum Shrub:  2 ounces dark rum, 1/2 ounce shrub syrup, club soda.  The Shrub Syrup is 2 cups blackberries, 1 cup sugar and let that sit in a bowl for 1 and half hours. strain and add 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar (refrigerate--this keeps for 2 months in the fridge). Combine the rum and syrup in a Collins glass with ice and top with the club soda. It's getting a little cold for this but I'm hoping for an Indian Summer.  

Kindred

Why do authors think time travelling would be all sunshine and rainbows? What kind of narcissist thinks they would get to meet Shakespeare and the Queen in the same afternoon? No, in the past you pooped in a hole. Finally a book that addresses pooping in a hole. I think that is why Octavia Butler got a MacArthur Genius grant. Well, it may be because this is a brilliant spin on sci-fi dystopian historical fiction written in 1979 and still holds up.

The plot is interesting. Our protagonist, Dana, a modern African-American woman, is involuntarily time travelling to an ante bellum slave plantation and that is not good. Yeah, time travelling is not always fun. I also feel this way when people talk about reincarnation, which I don't really believe in anyway, but if I did, why in the world would I think I was a French princess? If I was reincarnated my lives would look like this: peasant, farmer, serf, serf, thief, died in childhood from a pox, serf, serf, indentured servant, slave, pox, pox, pox (rough time), prostitute, merchant, farmer, serf, priest, tenant farmer. I was never fancy or rich except one time I did alright as a merchant and had a caravan that was as nice as a used Lexus. Also, I would take gifts (mostly snacks and beer) when I was a priest for forgiving your sins. If you gave me a nice cake I would even forgive a mortal sin. Mortal Sin Cake. So good.

Kindred is very short novel and I love that it has an actual plot.  I've been trying to slog through several books that were too postmodern stream of consciousness for me.  I don't care about people's dreams and I do like to know what the heck is happening. Also, it might be good if something is happening. So, this is was a good break. I've seen this book on a curriculum for a college course and it does include some historical tidbits that the educated reader might find tedious (if you are reading this--that's you). However, this book's concept is brilliantly subversive but it's a good read too. Genius.

Drinks: for some reason, I'm craving Mortal Sin Cake and beer.  I had a fun beer recently from 3 Floyds called Yum Yum. I take umbrage when people say that Indiana sucks. Not with that brewery. I do think, though, someone named Randy works there.  Brew serf Randy.

Power Hungry

I’m kind of obsessed with this book.  I can just look through this thing when I’m stressed or bored and think of all the power bars I could make, humming, rocking back and forth. I love to bake but I often break out in fat, it's quite alarming I assure you.  I wasn’t a huge power bar eater before this, but I am now. 

Discovering hemp hearts has turned me into a Woody Harleson-esque hemp advocate.  Hemp was recently illegal to grow in the U.S.  I suspect it’s because the plants look exactly like marijuana.  It’s like banning sugar cubes because they look like crack rocks. It would be interesting to see a Manhattan made with a crack rock.  I would call that a late 80’s Manhattan. But I digress.  Hemp hearts have no THC (well a tiniest fraction of a percent).  But I’m pretty sure buying a pound of weed is cheaper than a pound of hemp hearts. My favorite recipe in this book uses a cup on hemp hearts. I'm really glad a certain place called Jader Toes started carrying them, I ripped up my application for a second mortgage just in time.  

Camilla Saulsberry has a lot of cookbooks.  I’m like what’s going on over there?  She’s also a Mom and teaches Pilates or something of that ilk.  Yet there are about two hundred different power bars in this book when you count all the variations.  And then she’ll crank out a totally different cookbook, the next year.  One has 500 quinoa recipes. What kind of system is she working?  Does she have a secret team of people working on these things like Robert Jordan and the Wheel of Time series?  I wonder if they will they continue to produce recipes after she dies.  Maybe she can contact George R.R. Martin on how to produce a new book every 18 months.  I think they should team up, Danerys and the Dragon Power Bars.  They could have a little cinnamon for the fire.  I could have a whole nerd joke based cookbook. Well, Tolkien started this idea with the Hobbits and their damn second breakfasts. 

Drinks: I drink my power bars with green tea but that's not very exciting.  I'm going to post a cookbooks review once in a while so this we can call the Hungry Narrator series. I'm not going to post a recipe like a food blog because that's tedious (and easy to screw up)--just get this book and make some.  Not all of them have hemp but you should try it--the first taste is free.      

Beyond the Beautiful Forevers

Are you up to date on your Prozac, therapy and/or brownies? Because if you're not, don't even think about reading this book. Beyond the Beautiful Forevers is a non-fiction book about living in a Mumbai slum. More heroes die in this book than in a season of Game of Thrones.

Even before I read this book I sometimes wondered if a little Bangladeshi kid could survive on all the stuff I throw away. The water when I wash my garden stuff and all the food when I clean out the fridge.  I am trying to be more mindful of the food I waste but I still think a kid could live on what I toss.  He may not enjoy eating less than active yeast with a Worcestershire sauce chaser.

Beyond the Beautiful Forevers is written in a compelling narrative style.  It's less about explaining how and why these people are so poor but more about their own personal stories.  It's like a depressing Housewives of Beverly Hills.  Well, that's depressing too, actually. This is depressing in a different way. It's not a bad book but I think this would work better as a documentary. Even better would be a Werner Herzog documentary. We'd be sad, thrilled and scared in one weird emotion. Let us call that Herzoged.

If you interested in this kind of thing, I would recommend Peter Menzel's book Material World (you've probably seen it) where the families put out all of their possessions in front of their house.  It turns out people in poorer countries have a lot of bowls. I feel like Apple is developing an iBowl.  It holds, scoops, measures, stores and is both wireless and portable. (It's just a bowl with an Apple logo that costs $60).

Drinks: I picked this recipe up from a English language based Indian website which had metric measurements. I did the conversions for you... Green Leather: Muddle a slice of ginger and three sprigs of cilantro to release the juices. Then add 1.5 oz gin, 1/4 ounce of lime juice and 1/4 oz of simple syrup and fill the glass with crushed ice.  Add a dash of orange juice and Sprite (I say that is optional--I would use club soda).  Or read this with whiskey and brownies in hand...and keep 'em coming.

State of Wonder

Cactus People Book Club. I would love a book club where people like weird and crazy books. I'm quite sure they have such groups but I'm afraid they might attract a strange element.  You know the type, they argue about everything while simultaneously biting their toenails.  Anyway, this book would be fine for your boring normal book club. The one where they talk about reality TV shows and how they haven't been to Vegas in a while (man, that last time was awesome! oh, you've never been...but you'd love it!)

State of Wonder is a Heart of Darkness shout out, as our protagonist must go into the Amazon rain forest to find out what is up with the brilliant but insane and narcissistic Dr. Swenson. Our jerk doctor is trying to develop a new fertility drug from Amazon tree bark but it's taking a really long time. The fictional drug allows women to be fertile their whole lives. No thanks. Can they develop a drug that lets me eat brownies and not get fat? I'm on board. Don't say they did with Olestra, because oily anal discharge is an unacceptable side effect.  Please be advised that you can only eat these brownies on the toilet. I want more than Toilet Brownies.

I'm not a fan of normal or boring so while this isn't a bad book, it's nothing special.  I was surprised as people really like this author.  Sometimes I feel like grumpy cat when I review books....so I made this for you.

The most famous Brazilian drink is the Caipirina, which is delicious, but I don't know about you but I don't have any Cachaca around and apparently there is no appropriate substitute. Why not drink with this fun El Diablo cocktail: Combine 2 ounces of reposado tequila in a highball glass with ice. Top with 3 ounces of ginger beer and slowly pour a teaspoon of creme de cassis which will sink to the bottom. Garnish with a lime wedge.  

The City & the City

Ah, China Mieville (if that's is your real name...I feel like it is probably Neil Shufflebottom) I get it, you like a challenge. You want to write a book in each genre, which probably helps you with writer's block. I get it...must write detective novel...do not know how to write detective novel.... Well, buddy, like I would tell a 3rd grade soccer kid, good effort, good effort.  I like your hustle.

The City & the City is, yes, a detective novel, but it's not a particularly good detective novel.  It is a kind of interesting political novel with sci-fi type elements. I've seen this put in the category of fantasy. That's not right though. It's much more like 1984 than 1Q84. There are zero wizards. Zero. Giant Spiders? Zero. That's kind of shame as Mieville is really good at writing fantasy.  This is the literary equivalent of Usain Bolt deciding to start a singing career. 

The best part of this book is the setting. Twin cities, which consider themselves separate countries, live without a physical border but all of the citizens are forced (by training as children) to "unsee" everything in the foreign country. Getting a falafel on the other side? That's a paddlin'. Actually it's worse than a paddlin', the secret police come for you and you disappear. Luckily this city weirdness is the focus of the book--the murder mystery seems more like an afterthought. Sometimes I wonder if rich people "unsee" my 16 year old car. That would explain a lot. It's either that or I got the last of the Nissan Romulan models. 

Whenever I see a mojito or mint julep cocktail, I choose to unsee it.  I'm just not a huge fan of mint. I'll admit it limits my drinks. So, I found this Orange Mojito recipe and I'm like Hey! Muddle a half of orange, half of lime (cut into large chunks), with 2 teaspoons sugar and a few sprigs of mint (I say this is optional) in a large rocks glass. Add two and half ounces of light rum and ice.  Cover this with a cocktail shaker and shake or stir until cold.  

             

Blue Sword

♫ Do you ever feel...like a plastic bag...drifting through the wind...hoping to get a sword and an awesome horse? ♫

If I had magic I would use grow potion to get some of Katy Perry's assets.  Of course I mean her net worth. The Blue Sword is a classic epic fantasy. Orphan girl living in a boring muggle world feels like she could be so much more. Don't we all? I've read a bunch of Robin McKinley books and I like them, but for some reason she won't finish her Pegasus series she started five years ago. She probably just got stuck doing Pinterest for the last three years. It happens.

I've had this on my shelf for years.  I just noticed it said for ages 10 and up.  Way to make me feel like a loser. But this is one of those my-life-is-stressful-can't-even-deal kind of books.  It's called fantasy.  It's like a prescription book. You're not flexing a whole lot of brain muscles.  That's what NOVA is for. Or maybe FRONTLINE. I never realized that PBS' titles are shouting at us. PBS, we are totally in your face. Deal with it.

If you haven't read this and you like epic fantasy, this is a good one. One thing I thought was weird is that there is a character named Dickie Crewe.  That sounds like a LARP team name.  And our female heroine is named Harry Crewe.  How is that even possible? I think her given name is Ermahgerd. With a name like that you are destined for something great.

It's still summer so drink this kid's book with a sophisticated adult drink. Peach Bellini: Make a peach puree with 2 peaches, 1 tablespoon lemon juice and 1 teaspoon of sugar. Process these in your food processor and strain the pulp.  Put 2 tablespoons of peach puree in a champagne flute and top with cold prosecco. (makes about 6 drinks...I guess you could share).