At the Mountains of Madness

It's that time of year, and in years past, before the advent what I can only call the collective pumpkin derangement that is now October, people used to read scary stories.  While "horror" is not my favorite genre, pretty much every fantasy writer is obsessed with H.P. Lovecraft.  I mean, they are pumpkin latte for him. 

Even though he was an early "horror" author keep in mind that this is from the olden times so you'll get statements like...the sight disturbed my countenance. (It wasn't exactly a page turner).  I don't want to talk too much about this short novella because suspense and horror are subject to spoilers.  Granted, you have had 78 years, but still....  I will say that even before I read this I knew that Lovecraft = monsters and you knew that too.  My problem is that I imagine all monsters like Zoidberg from Futurama. For instance, at one point in this book, I thought about the scene when Zoidberg is getting autopsied in Roswell and he says:  "The president is gagging on my gas bladder, what an honor!"  I think I'm doing horror wrong.

Don't go on wikipedia and look at H.P. Lovecraft's biography because it's kind of depressing.  (You should look at Zoidberg's wikipedia page because it is amazing).  Lovecraft died fairly young, broke and unknown.  Obviously people love him now but it is so tempting when people post those crappy platitudes on social media that say FOLLOW YOUR BLISS to just post YOU MAY NEED A DAY JOB FOR A FEW YEARS and then post a link to his biography. Maybe I should just post a picture of Zoidberg. He did go to medical school. 

To heck with pumpkin--this is whisky season-- so why not read this book with a Horsecar.  1 ounce rye, 1 ounce sweet vermouth, 1 ounce dry vermouth, 2 dashes orange bitters. Put in an ice filled glass, stir and strain.  Garish with a maraschino cherry. Let's face it, this is going to taste a lot like a Manhattan but I say, follow your bliss. 

Seraphina

Dragons! They're people too! Wait, no they aren't.  Well, in this book they kind of are. What?  In Seraphina, dragons can take human form. I would think a "tell" would be dragon breath.  Here, humans and dragons are under a "truce" where dragons have vowed not to bite humans heads off.  I'm not sure what's in it for the dragons.  Frankly, doesn't the ability to fly and bite your head off mid-flight trump any "power" humans might have? Not to mention breathing fire and destroying your village. Because really, what's left to negotiate?  

This book is more about dragon racism, dragon rights and court politics more than anything else.  I think this is missing the point about dragons!!  I mean they are magical and vicious beasts!  It's like dealing with Senator Palpatine scenes in Star Wars.  All I want is to see is Yoda saying something cool, using a light saber and kicking butt.  I mean, c'mon!

This second half of this book is much better than the first.  At least the dragons do some dragon things.  I'm so weird that I can totally believe in a world where dragons take human form but I cannot believe our protagonist, a court musician, can speak her mind to the royal family at every opportunity and not be killed....or at least fired. That's the most unrealistic part of this fantasy.  You never call the princess' finance a bastard, even if he is one, and live to tell the tale.

In this book the dragons don't drink alcohol--is that because it's flammable or because they are nerds?  It's not really explained but in my universe dragons are never nerds.  They should be fierce like Sid Vicious or Beyonce. The Blue Dragon cocktail seems a bit misleading because this is going to look blue but taste very orangey.  2 ounces Mandarin vodka and 1 ounce Blue Curacao liqueur, pour into a cocktail shaker, shake and strain into a cocktail glass and garnish with an orange slice and cherries. The cherries can be the dragon's eyes.       

The Devil in the White City

I think a good name for an Office spin off would be The Weevil in the Dwight City.  Those TV developers better get cracking.  If there is anything I've learned after reading this book is that society has a really short memory. The 1893 Chicago World's Fair was a huge deal but I barely knew anything about it.  Maybe they had a giant Ferris Wheel?  Serial killer of the same time?  Never heard of him.  I think this phenomenon is getting even shorter.  Ten years from now, no one will remember Edward Snowden at all, he'll just be quietly crying in his borscht.

This was Erik Larson's big break and if I was in publishing during the early 2000's I would not have predicted a non-fiction book about superstar architects would be a national best-seller.  Ok, admittedly it is also about the country's first serial killer.  On the internets you can look at pictures of the fair and it looks amazing.  I don't think he does it justice as far as the scale and majesty. Electricity was new, I can't imagine what a whole huge artificial city would have looked like lit up at night.  I think it would blow my mind now...back then...destroyed.  I wonder if they had an on-site sanitarium. 

Leonardo Di Caprio bought the film rights and the movie is currently in development.  I think he likes to play any roles from the olden times where he gets to slick his hair back and wear suspenders.  I see major suspender potential in this... and big walrus mustaches and hats...maybe canes too. Ohh, I can see Leo playing Edward Snowden in a movie because Snowden has grown a big walrus mustache (I'll bet he has--I know I would). 

Drinks: The main architect has an on-site "shanty" which had a big fireplace where he would have a little drinky-poo and smoke a cigar after working all day. It sounds kind of awesome. It is getting a bit "crisp" out, so why not drink a warm drink with this book.  Honey Pot Cider:  1 1/4 cup apple cider, 1 Tbsp. honey, 1 3/4 ounces apple jack brandy.  Heat the ingredients in a small saucepan for about 5 minutes.  Put in a mug with 2 apple slices speared with a cinnamon stick and then rest the stick on the mug. 

Oryx & Crake

I caught up on some reading while suffering from food poisoning.  Why let those tainted mussels win, right?  (They kind of won a little bit).  There is nothing like a dystopian novel to make you feel better.  Hey, you may feel terrible but at least you don't have a virulent bacterial infection that will kill you, you just suspect you might. 

Oryx and Crake was the first in a trilogy by Margaret Atwood, who is awesome at all of her various genres. It's not fun-times for our narrator, although he is a kind of dipstick. Of course it is well written an interesting as you would expect nothing less from her. The trilogy is finished and this first book was written ten years ago so it is not fair to make fun of people in the future watching CD-ROMS. It does seem so stupid now. Maybe they make a comeback like vinyl records.

I know that dystopian novels are supposed to be depressing and a kind of wake up call to mend our wicked ways but why can't they have a bright side?  Why can't we solve global warming by having cute bikes or riding tricked out cable cars, have condos on the moon, nanobots that kill cancer and eat carbs without consequences.  I want to live in that future.  I think authors just do not want to envision a future that is better than the one we live in now.  They think, how dare my grandchildren live better than me--SCREW THE GRANDCHILDREN--you will be eating your own poop someday! 

Our dipstick narrator likes beer--real beer-- and who doesn't?  I truly think we are living in the golden age of craft beer so go out there and find some awesome ones.  Locally I have been enjoying Rhinegeist's Zen which is an American Pale Ale (less alcohol than an IPA), but there are some fun stuff coming out of Salt Lake City--I know! (apparently it has more heathens than you think) from Uinta Brewing Co. These lighter pale ales go with food--not tainted food--not your own poop--just decent normal food.   

1984

The real 1984 wasn't like 1984.  While there were idiots wearing overalls in the real 1984, those dummies were mostly overzealous fans of Dexi's Midnight Runners.  Also, I refuse to call overalls "dungarees," Craig.  That's just crazy. 

I never read 1984 in high school, but I should have, I suppose.  That would have been a good time to read it.  Now, well…. there is no doubt that this was an incredibly important book at the time but I feel like dude, we get it.  The huge manifesto the protagonist reads to us… I got it.  That may not be fair, since Orwell wrote this, society has lived through China's Cultural Revolution, Kim Jong Il and the juggernaut that is One Direction. 

One of my favorite things about reading books from the past about the future is the predictions.  He predicted something like Siri called speakwrite but in 1984 they were at least discreet when they used it. Now Siri involves a lot of shouting: SIRI, WHERE IS THE NEAREST CHIPOTLE?  One thing Orwell didn't predict was that we would stop using the word "counterpane" for bedspread.  Or as most of us call it, "the covers." Sir, mind the counterpane! You are soiling it!

Drinks: In 1984 they drink Victory Gin which apparently is kind of nasty. Normally I don't like to suggest a drink that is so "on the nose" but I can't resist this gin based drink from my friend Rob.  The Communist: 1 oz. London Dry Gin, 1 oz. orange juice, 3/4 oz. lemon juice, 1/2 Cherry Herring.  Stir in a glass with ice, strain and serve straight up.  Apparently there is an old Czechoslovakian communist slogan that was "No Grain to Waste."  Indeed.

Last Night in Montreal

I absolutely love Montreal.  Of course I went in the summer because in the winter it is all about the Vortex Poliere.  I don't speak French but it wasn't a big deal as we only interacted with two people who couldn't speak English.  Even that wasn't a problem because when you smile, nod and hand people a wad of money, everything seems to always work out.

Last night in Montreal is partially set in Montreal. It is a "sort-of" mystery (not really) about a girl abducted by a non-custodial parent and her issues as an adult.  The plot also includes all the weirdoes that become obsessed with her. This book is ok.  I could relate to the characters  that felt cold because I work in an overly-air-conditioned-kill-the-environment-and-kill-me-while-you-are-at-kind-of-places.  I don't understand why it is 90 degrees and I can't feel my fingers.  I have not ruled out that I may be dead inside. 

The author, Emily St. John Mandel, is an adorable pixie girl who studied dance.  She is exactly the type of girl a guy would travel 14 hours on a train ride just to see one more time.  I, however, cannot get my husband to walk 14 feet to come to the kitchen to get something off a high shelf.  Usually, I am forced to climb the kitchen cabinets like some kind of spider monkey.  C'est la vie. 

Montreal has some amazing cocktail bars (Canadians + France = glug glug) and I'm pretty sure I need to go back there to do more "research."  How about a Frenchy cocktail you can sip wherever you live? (Provided you have a very well-stocked liquor cabinet)  The Lumiere: 1&1/2 ounces of gin, 1 ounce St. Germain, 3/4 ounce lime juice, 3/4 ounce Chartreuse, dash of orange bitters.   Combine the ingredients and stir with ice.  Strain into a coupe and garnish with a lime twist. 

All the Light We Cannot See

Comedy nightmare topics in All the Light We Cannot See include a young Nazi soldier (I'm no Mel Brooks) and a young blind French girl in occupied France during WWII.  Louis C.K. could do something brilliant with that formula but he's a genius. Needless to say, this is not a comedy.

Set during the year just before and during the war, the story also includes an agoraphobic eccentric uncle and a mysterious giant diamond. It is probably the best contemporary fiction book I've read this year even though the snacks are few and far between.  The writing is excellent but not particularly flashy.  There is hope for contemporary fiction.  What is contemporary fiction?  Anything written after Benedict Cumberbatch became famous.  I realize using BC might be confusing so maybe it is best to use CE as in the Cumberbatch Era. Written in 2014, this is a fine CE4 novel.

Anthony Doerr is some sort of nature lover.  There are lot of snails, or whelks, in this book--and believe it or not--not as snacks. (I know, France!)  The Whelks sounds like a good name for a sports team.  But no one wants to be named after a snail (even if they seem well-adjusted and have a pretty shell).  Well, maybe Stanford.  Stanford doesn't even really have a mascot so they have a guy dressed as giant tree that runs around the football field.  A snail at least moves, not much, but MORE THAN TREES. 

Drinks: Brittany is known for its sparkling apple cider.  I have never had Breton cider but it comes in a fancy wine bottle ('natch) and looks delicious.  Plus I'm sure it is refreshing when your city is under siege and you are really really thirsty because you are trapped in a building that has collapsed and may or may not be on fire.