Dark Matter

What if Dolph Lundgren had chosen to do his Fulbright scholarship at MIT in chemical engineering instead of moving to NYC with Grace Jones? Have you ever thought about that? Maybe we would have a cure for cancer but not Showdown in Little Tokyo? Before you answer that, remember Drogo from Rocky IV is the one that says..."I will break you." So, I mean, I think the answer is pretty clear.

Dark Matter is a sci-fi book of what-ifs.  What if I hadn't married my spouse, taken that job, gone the that school, taken that route to work?  Definitely, a first world problem. I doubt if some poor guy in Bangladesh living in tin shack collecting honey from trees in tiger country is thinking...."You know, I wonder if should have taken that movie role...but you know....I just didn't think a movie about a boy wizard would be that successful."

There is a little theoretical physics, specifically quantum mechanics, in this book which is the nice thing about theory--we don't know....I mean, it could happen.  There is one logical flaw that was a bit irritating but necessary for the plot I suppose, but this book doesn't overwhelm you with science or give you math problems like The Martian AND not one boob joke in this book. Not one. So this was not written for precocious 14 year old boys. This book is pretty short, and a bit of a page turner and it is soon to be movie (Blake Crouch is a screenwriter anyway).  I liked it I thought it was entertaining but I know someone who thought it was meh, and I thought...that's a reasonable view too.  

Ok this cocktail has nothing to do with the book, but it's spring and I want to drink this so why not? Tequila Honeysuckle: 2 ounces blanco tequila, 3/4 ounce honey syrup (this is just simple syrup but with honey instead of sugar) and 3/4 ounce lime juice. Combine in a shaker with ice, shake and strain into a coupe glass and garnish with a lime slice.

Ghost Talkers

Life is stressful enough so maybe you want a mystery that has a supernatural element but maybe you don't want any heavy lifting? I'm not going to judge you. They say you should try to get out of your "bubble" these days. Lately, I've been like, I've heard your viewpoints and it's making me want more of a bubble. I'm ready for a "boy in plastic bubble John Travolta" type of existence. Give me a never exhausting supply of coffee and books and I'm all set. Plus I can fart with impunity.

Ghost Talkers is a lot like a Maisie Dobbs' mystery but with magic. I think the Masie Dobbs series is a little more sophisticated and this is more action-based. It's nothing special but if its a chilly spring day and you want to get away for a while with a cup of coffee and a cookie, it's better than a kick in the teeth. What an endorsement!

I guess you could say this is a female empowerment book but also not really. Our protagonist, Ginger, is constantly getting harassed by men (on "our side" of the war) or they are just outright trying to physically attack her. She shoots one dude but she has to have a man take over her body via channeling so that she can actually pull the trigger. Crap. So that was disappointing. She is the hero but ... poop.

Ginger is an American but half British--something like that so why not drink an American Cup which is an American version of the Pimm's Cup?: 1&1/2 ounces of sweet vermouth, 1/2 ounce of gin, 1/2 ounce of bourbon, 2 dashes of orange bitters. Muddle a lemon orange and lime slice, shake the remaining ingredients and strain and pour into a Collin's glass (or any tall glass).  Top with the best ginger beer you can find.  I would bet this tastes good with that cookie I'm dreaming about.

Night Film

I've been watching a lot of 80's movies lately. That was before the actors got all ripped with personal trainers and on-site nutritionists. Both the men and women were as slim as sticks. Their diets must have been cigarettes dipped in liquid cocaine. Everyone wears high-waisted jeans which, even before the use of spandex, seemed particularly good for kicking. Bras were optional. It's been fun.

If you are Stanley Kubrick fan or a horror movie aficionado then Night Film will be a more enriching experience. Wow, that sounds super snobby. I've been watching William Defoe getting kicked in the nuts so take that advice with a grain of salt. This has been optioned to be a film but hasn't been made yet....or ever. Hey, the movie option paycheck gets cashed either way.

Marisha Pessl gets a lot of hype. I had an attitude about her first book: "let's hate this over-hyped book with some unusual writing conventions." But actually it was pretty compelling.  Night Film also has a "multi-media" arrangement, i.e. fake newspaper clippings, which honestly doesn't add a thing.  Let's get a young model to pose as a crime victim. Bad idea. But, don't let that stop you. As far as thrillers go, this one is much better than average, it's smarter. Not Godel, Escher Bach smarter, let's not go nuts here....just not for idiots. Luckily this skips the now trite supermodel pretty sociopath femme fatale. Can't the killer have a weird mole or a lazy eye at least?

Why not drink a Blood Orange cocktail to go with this horror themed mystery? Vibrant Sunrise: 1/3 of a blood orange muddled, 2 oz of a London dry gin, 1 oz. lemon juice, 1 oz. lime juice, dash of agave syrup, (they want a cayenne and salt for rimming the glass--proceed with caution), muddle the blood orange in a shaker with the gin, juices and agave and ice. Shake and pour over ice and garnish with a blood orange wheel.  

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms

When the universe was created there was only NyQuil. Then DayQuil. They both love each other but they are enemies. They have children called 'Enedryl, Zicam and my favorite, 'Tussin. This is close enough to the mythology in The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms.

SPOILERS AHEAD

The world worships DayQuil (I mean you have to go back to work sometime) but our hero is both scared of but secretly falls for NyQuil.  Duh, we all love NyQuil the best, even if that's reckless. He might be bad for us. When you love NyQuil you do crazy things like email your boss in Esperanza or buying three pounds of goji berries on the Internet.

I didn't really enjoy this book.  The mortals in this book are pretty despicable and then our hero Yiene...I just can't relate.  She makes decisions solely based on her id.  She has a "temper" and there is some really crappy sex scenes/romance with a "bad boy." (could be someone that tried to kill her 100 pages previously) but it's fine. Everything is fine. So exciting. Sigh. I guess it's a spoiler to tell you she has sex with NyQuil.....which everyone knows you are SUPPOSED to quit after seven days.

I think having a god for a boyfriend would be problematic. I mean, he probably still farts in his sleep and will make you drop what you are doing because he can't find his me-damn socks! Anyway, this book wasn't my thing. I have heard her more recent series is better but I'm too dubious to give her a second chance, there being a lot of fantasy out there to read and all.

Hey if you haven't guessed it I was sick when I read this. I did make this is amazing cocktail right before I got sick. Cognac French 75 (which I made with Brandy) 1 and 1/2 ounces cognac or brandy, 1/2 ounce simple syrup, 1/2 ounce fresh lemon juice.  Put these in a cocktail shaker with ice, shake and strain into a martini glass.  Top with champagne (I used prosecco).  Super yummy.

River of Doubt

I think it's safe to say that Theodore Roosevelt was our "toughest" President.  I don't mean his military or economic policies no, I mean the man got shot during a campaign speech and finished it bleeding through his shirt. No big deal. What the actual Eff.  Maniac.  He liked having wilderness adventures when he felt stressed. When he tried to run as a third party candidate in 1912 he lost.  So what to do...what to do....I know, go on a Amazon river adventure that was insanely dangerous. Good plan.

I'm good now on Amazon adventures. (I read The Lost City of Z about 5 years ago).  I have learned most everything in the Amazon can kill you and probably will. Parasites, bot-flies, piranhas, rotten feet, rapids, indigenous people who will kill you (but might not bother that day), alligators and snakes. Plus malaria and those crazy frogs.  It may be worse than Australia. Pretty much you're going to die.  It's still spooky there. Do you want dengue fever? No, well, it's too late you've got it now. The only thing that won't kill you are these cute little sloths.

By the way, Roosevelt's party would have eaten this little guy if they could see them. But in the wild sloths are covered with green algae which makes them camouflaged. Anyway, they had some scary adventures and people died.  River of Doubt is well researched and written, even if there are parts that a little slow.  At one point I had to tell myself to PADDLE PADDLE to get through to the next part.

Still, I can't see any of our ex-Presidents doing something like this adventure.  Even "nice-guy" Jimmy Carter: "I've looked at a lot of these monkeys with lust.  I've committed adultery in my heart many many times." George W Bush, "Mission Accomplished." Um, sir we haven't even left the Dallas Ft. Worth airport. No, they don't make um like Theodore Roosevelt anymore. (psst...I'm glad he wasn't my Dad though...maniac).

There was a couple of bottles of scotch on the trip which had to be rationed.  Why not read this book with a Smoking Pistol (seems appropriate) from Imbibe Magazine:  3/4 oz scotch, 3/4 oz. sweet vermouth, 1/2 oz. Rye, 1/4 ounce Armagnac,  a bar-spoon of Benedictine,  2 dashes of Peychaud's Bitters, 1 dash of Angostura bitters.  Put these ingredients in a mixing glass and stir until chilled. Twist a lemon peel over the top of the drink and discard.  Be glad you don't have malaria.

The Master and Margarita

This book is bananas. I mean that in the most affectionate and complimentary way. Most importantly it has a talking cat. Written in the 30's but not published until the 60's because apparently it was too subversive for Stalin's Russia. To me, it doesn't overtly seem politically problematic but it is nuts. It is not a spoiler to tell you The Devil is a character. He's not even in the top five in the list of the book's most interesting characters.

While this is considered a classic, it reads like a modern comedy/farce/magical realism I don't even know what.  I've worked in a couple of bookstores and I don't know where I'd put this--maybe "Staff Picks." Just read it. Naked ladies, vodka, "magic" tricks, Pontius Pilate and a man-pig (plus a talking cat who is awesome). What more do you want?

I was watching my neighbor clean the dog turds out of his backyard this morning.  That is how winter feels to me. Dog turd clean-up.  You could use a sense of wonder these days. This book is good for that. It does have a lot of confusing Russian names so be warned. Other than that (Italian chef kiss).

Like any good Russian novel we need a strong vodka drink.  Caipiroska: Slice a whole lime and put this into a cocktail shaker or large mixing glass.  Muddle the slices (don't go too crazy) in one tablespoon of sugar and stir until the sugar dissolves and add 1/4 cup of vodka. Fill an old fashioned glass with cracked ice. Pour the whole vodka lime mixture over the ice, then back into mixing glass then back into the glass. Enjoy with your cat. What elegance!

Old Kingdom-Abhorsen series

🎶Oh, those golden hands oh, those golden hands.🎶 Back in the day "golden" was code for sugar. It was nice when they were honest. SUPER SUGAR CRISP.  I know what I'm getting. Now those would be called All Natural Sun-kissed Wheat Nibs. Author Garth Nix lives in Sydney which I believe is Australia's Gold Coast. Which we all know is the Sugar Coast. I can't decide if that sounds delicious or terribly dangerous. I guess it could be both if you have the diabetes.

This series, Goldenhand is book 5, has necromancy, lots of magic, a dangerous library and most importantly a talking cat. The talking cat is kind of a snarky ass.  I mean that's not exactly a stretch for some cats. I say that as a crazy cat lady and cat lover. Aren't you worried the cat is going to eat your face off when you die? No, I'm worried she's going to eat my face off while I'm alive. If it's past 6:00 a.m. this is a justifiable fear. Runs across my body.  Knock glasses off nightstand.  For a while she was doing a tether-ball tournament with the metal lamp pull. Ding ding ding ding ding......then a "I win" if I acknowledge I am awake. (cat squints eyes).

This series is marketed toward teens or older children but don't let that stop you from reading these books. There is also a talking dog, semi-sentient airplanes, dead creatures. I mean, it's a nice fantasy series, like maybe you need something to take your mind off serious matters. Not sickly sweet like those old Golden Grahams.  I did like those back in the day though. I will admit it. Diabetes.

You could drink this with a Gold Rush (one of my favorite cocktails of all time) or this golden colored cocktail (which we won't tell anyone--is low cal) Rosemary Grapefruit Cocktail (makes two) One large ruby red grapefruit, a sprig of rosemary, 1/2 cup grapefruit La Croix,3 ounces vodka, four dashes of grapefruit bitters (optional).  Juice the grapefruit and muddle the sprig of rosemary pour the juice in two glasses with the bitters. Add 1/4 cup of the sparkling water and an ounce and half of vodka to each glass. You can garnish with a rosemary sprig and/or a grapefruit slice. As is, this is only 129 calories.  This sounds very tart to me so you could add a little simple syrup but obviously this will add to the calories.