Fire and Blood

I'm glad I still had Adhipa the sherpa in my contact list because I needed him. Oh, did I need him. I stole him from my friend Terry who needs him for Dance with Dragons. Dance with Dragons is a Dan Brown page turner compared with Fire and Blood. Told as a retroactive history this is for the GOT completeness aficionados only. It's GRRM's Simarillion. Let that sink in.

This book is a partial history of the Targaryen reign so there are a lot of names, and places, and battles and skirmishes in those places of which I am clueless as to their location. Lord Rampart Dunkendell fought valiantly against Sir Pippette Ivybanks at the battle for Bog's Head for Aegon Targaryen--not that Aegon, the other Aegon Targaryen, also known as King Whitehead. Yeah, a lot of that...like 900 pages of that.

You would think with the consanguinity of the Targaryen family you'd end up with a derpy prince like Charles II of Spain. "Herlo! I'm your Prince! Dameon Tamgaryen!" All of the dragons have beautiful names like Dreamfyre and Balerion and Dameon gets the derpy dragon named Jarrod. Jarrod's no good in battles and ends up landing on hills and gets mad when because every animal he tries to converse with ends up burnt to a crisp. "Why they all die Dameon?" "I don't know Jarrod, maybe try harder?" They fly around having mixed-up adventures involving getting honey out a bee-hive or making a lean-to big enough for a dragon.  Meanwhile men all over Westeros are dying over succession rights.

In honor of my derpy bee-hunting Targaryen you can celebrating reading this tome with a honey based cocktail called Wax Poetic: 2 and 1/4 ounce bison grass vodka, 1 ounce honey simple syrup. 3/4 ounce lemon juice. Add ingredients to a shaker and shake, strain into a glass.

Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle

I'm afraid to watch Black Mirror anymore. I'm not crazy about the story-line this world is currently working. I mean, that Nosedive episode is based on the Chinese social rating system. In China, you can lose points for and I'm not making this up: jaywalking, eating junk food, playing video games and get this---insincere apologies. I welcome our new robot overlords. *closes blinds and reads analog books*

Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle seems like an Agatha Christie novel but is really a more like a Black Mirror episode. Also, it is really confusing. Some readers are so confused they are just plain angry. Keep in mind, it's pedal to the metal the whole time. It's not a relaxing cozy mystery. Maybe if you think cocaine laced meth is relaxing. By the way, I just looked up what the name of this concoction might be and there was surprisingly detailed information about combining these drugs on Quora. Over five thousand people had looked at the answer. I'm like what are you guys up to on these internets?  I'm looking up narwhals over here and you all are...I mean. I really don't think they were all doing joke research.

This is different. I'll give you that. The ending is wholly unsatisfying but if you want Downton Abbey set in a dystopian mystery nightmare than this book fits the bill.

This cocktail won a cocktail contest in 1934 but is named after the bartender's wife an not the monarch--c'mon man, that's lame. Queen Elizabeth: 1&1/2 ounces dry vermouth, 3/4 ounce benedictine, 3/4 ounce lime juice. Shake in a cocktail shaker with ice and strain into a chilled glass.

Ancillary Justice

What was the name of that book? Appurtenance Recompense? No, Concomitant Reparation?  No. These sound like erudite working titles for Die Hard. Well, Ancillary Justice is a weird book title. It's the name of a spaceship and that makes sense because this book is a space opera. (I always say "SPACE OPERA" in a dramatic Sideshow Mel-type voice). This spaceship is more just a ship. You find out right away that the AI is quasi-sentient so that's not a spoiler. I mean at what point does independent decision making make something sentient? When it makes moral decision? Could you program morality into an AI? Maybe someone could put a morality code into some natural born humans I know, because that would be great.

There are some very modern sci-fi concepts to this book. It blurs the lines between our perception between humans and robots, male and female, good and evil. You know, just easy stuff. Also there is an abundance of tea. It's like a British person in Japan tea drinking adventure. Got a problem--drink some tea, feeling homesick--tea, feeling upper middle class today--more tea, feeling superior to others--tea time, stressed--more tea. Beyond tea, there is ninja level fighting, political strategies and well, more tea.....so much tea. She should have called this Ancillary Bladder. I liked it but didn't love it, there are some slow parts and I confess I'm not a huge SPACE OPERA fan. I know some respectable humans that really liked this. Your programming may vary.

I think you are required to drink a tea based cocktail--Royal Tea: 1&1/2 ounces gin, 2 ounces chilled brewed Earl Grey tea, splash of lemon juice and some sugar to taste. Put all of the ingredients in a chilled glass with ice and stir.  Garnish with a lime wheel.

Witchmark

Putting the twee in tweed this quasi-British fantasy novel features a chase scene with proper "Gentlemen" in suits with handlebar mustaches on bikes. I was surprised they didn't throw miniature poodles at each other. Take that, rapscallion! Get 'em Ruffles! Bite his leg...ok, ok, at least pull a single thread out of his bespoke suit! That'll show 'em. No play for Mr. Fray. 

This is a mystery urban fantasy novel set in an alternative Britain after a WWI- type thingy. Only the aristocrats are allowed to do magic and something awfully fishy is going on with these returning soldiers. Maybe our magical doctor can save the day...or can he? There are all kinds of things going in this book, a
LGBT love story, a magical system to set up, an oligarchy, family disputes, workplace issues, ghosts, dead guys and a world class typist. All in 318 pages. Whew. 
  
Witchmark made some people's best fantasy lists of 2018 but lets not go crazy. It's a perfectly fine fantasy and as a first novel it's good. Best....well...maybe if they put more references to men's capes, boater hats, various puddings, canaries, teas, antique snuff boxes and yes, even more bikes. I think this is just the first one in a series so there is hope yet. 

While it's freezing today I have hope that spring is around the corner. Read this with a bespoke Cucumber Basil Gimlet: Muddle a few basil leaves and two slices of cucumber in a shaker, add ice and 1&1/2 ounces of vodka (I think a nice neutral gin would work just fine too), add one ounce of lemonade and 1/4 ounce of lime juice. Shake and strain into a rocks glass over ice. Drink while picking invisible lint off your lapels.

Death of Mrs. Westaway

In the first scene of this book the main character is walking home with fish and chips....so it's British. There is some tea drinking, whiskey drinking, someone wears a Macintosh so it checks some British mystery bingo squares for sure. It does not include a reference to Monty Don, the famous British gardener.  He is huge in England and says things like Crikey!

While not as cheery as Monty, Ruth Ware tries to break the fourth wall in a little bit in this book. Our protagonist thinks her situation is like something out of an Agatha Christie novel. I'm not that big of fan of that technique. First, you are comparing yourself to a Dame of the British Empire. Next, you're going to try to compare your boobs to Dame Helen Mirren. Just don't go there because you will lose that game. Even though it is a stand alone book it leaves a some loose ends which is mildly infuriating. Those criticisms aside I did like this book. It has a nice vibe and if you like mysteries then you'll like it. I really like the beginning scenes which are set on a windswept English coastal boardwalk where our pixie protagonist reads tarot cards. But the vast majority is set in a country manor house with at least one gnarled and creepy servant. BINGO both diagonally and up the center.

Most of the whiskey drinking in this book is imbibed in neat form. Totally acceptable. In case you want a cocktail, this one sounds just crazy enough to be work: Sage Brown Derby: 2 ounces of rye, one ounce red or regular grapefruit juice, 1/2 ounce lime juice, 1/4 ounce agave nectar and few dashes of bitters. Put in a cocktail shaker with ice and really give it a good shake, strain into glasses.  Take a sage leaf and rub it between your hands and float it on the top of the drink. 

 

Borne

If my hoarding ever paid off and in a dytopian future you needed me to leave my compound David Koresh style, it turns out my weakness is blasting Billy Joel. I will run away faster than if you had thrown a Maltov cocktail.  I was in a craft store the other day and I thought it would be a good place to plan a revolution, like ya do, and then they blasted We Didn't Start The Fire and I high-tailed it out of there so fast. I thought NO DEAL, no deal!
 
Set in a dytopian future, Borne is set in very bleak scenario involving corporate biotech and monsters. Think "CRISPR" meets Dr. Moreau. Our lady, Rachel, finds a creature she named Borne but no one knows who the heck it, or what it is. Here's the deal, I love the creature Borne, he is a delight. But I'm not crazy about scavenger runs across the dystopian landscape. I said I was going to take a break from dystopia in 2018 and even though this is decent I should have kept that promise.

At least our protagonist has a normal name. I'm sick of reading the author's rejected baby names. "Finnegan" was worried that the shadow was following him.  Or "Blakely" wasn't sure she could trust the handsome stranger named "Sage." Ugh. So our girl, Rachel (whew), lives in this place has that has a stash of supplies and a maze like entrance which is an important plot point. My old house is apparently a food utopia with multiple security breaches. We've had some mice over the years. The cats do nothing. I'm convinced that there is a little hobo-mouse symbol at my house that says "Food + 2 dumb cats."

In this book you can get drunk by sucking on a biotech minnow full of alcohol. Sounds delicious. I think we can do better than that: Kentucky Mulled Cider--put 1&1/4 ounces of bourbon in a mug and add warm apple cider, put a dash of allspice and garnish with a cinnamon stick.

Summer Wives

Was the past sexier than we think? Well, there are 7.2 billion people right now so maybe so, maybe so. Goodreads considers Summer Wives historical fiction. Well, I guess technically if you think a Jackie Collins novel with hats is historical fiction then fine. The author feels that she should write novels about "what women were really feeling" back in the olden times. My take away was sex, sex, drinks and more sex. While I loved history as a student this was not what we covered. Ok, those Spartan soldiers were a little freaky. That was covered in college. I went to a Catholic high school so they conveniently skipped some details.

They say teenagers are having less sex because they are on their phones all the damn time. Summer Wives was set in the 50's and at one point the young people signal each other with flashlights so I mean, that's kind like texting. I wonder if you could make filthy messages with Morse Code. Baby, I didn't think you were going to send that last dot but wow, you did.

Summer Wives was not really my thing. I liked the setting (a small island --a rich summer place, like the Hamptons off the coast of Rhode Island) but that's not good enough. But hey, if you like your historical fiction with less guns and more buns then this might be up your alley. 

They drink a lot in this book. While mostly gin and tonics, someone busts out some whiskey.  This seems classy enough for the "tony" set: Port Old Fashioned: 2 ounces of whisky, 1/2 ounce tawny port, a drizzle of maple syrup, 3 dashes of Angostura bitters and orange peel.  Take the orange peel and muddle it with the syrup and bitters to release the oils. Add the whiskey and port and one of those large ice cubes. Stir to dilute.