Tuesday, April 14, 2015

The Martian

Not since My Penis, Myself, has there been a more guy oriented book. Boob jokes, poop jokes, tricked out vehicles, sex jokes and long complicated math-heavy real science word problems.  Not that women can't do math, because they totally can.  (It just so happens I'm not one of those lovely and capable women).

This is one of the books that seems like it's meant to be a movie. Hey, it is!  Well, it's not quite done yet. It stars Matt Damon (who is that guy's agent?) and has a bunch of other famous people with great agents.  Directed by Ridley Scott, I am thinking this will be awesome even if it is not.  I even liked Prometheus which is a ridiculous movie.  This is my favorite thing that happened in Prometheus: Hey super creepy looking thing...let me put my face near you because I think you are like a little bunny....Argggh!!

The Martian is about an astronaut stranded on Mars. Our main guy, Mark, is a very smart but writes in his journal like a dorky 13 year old kid, with lots of lame jokes.  For example, It wouldn't have surprised me to read a scene where there was a complicated math problem which was based on how many tampons needed to fix the water reclaimer. It was likely in an early draft. Think Nicolas Tesla's  journals written by Tim Allen.  Anyway, you might like this if you are a dude or a lovely math oriented woman who doesn't mind a poop joke or two or three.  Most people can wait for the movie. Would it have killed them to cast Hugh Jackman?  Can't this book give me something?

Drinks:  A martian martini seems appropriate:  2 oz. gin and 1 oz. Midori (or other melon flavor liqueur), combine with ice and shake and strain.  Serve in a martini glass. The pretty color makes this drink reminiscent of a little-green martian, not a dusty, frozen rusty and oxidized planet drink, which frankly doesn't really sound all that appealing.

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