The Stranger in the Woods

I think we've all had moments when we wanted to get away from people. I mean you got the weirdos, sickos, pigs, creepers, harassers, pervs, bros, jerks, pedants and tyrants. Oh, and the sports freaks. That's just the men. Then you've got the haters, bitches, fake ding-dongs, bossy, passive-aggressive, busy-bodies, manipulators and gossipers. Whew, I mean there are moments when you just want to live in the woods and not speak a word to anyone for 25 years.  Right? Well, it would be hard to keep all the jokes to yourself though. I feel like laughing at yourself in the woods might be abhorrent behavior.   

This is a biography of Christopher Knight, you might remember him as the dude that lived like a hermit in a tent for 25 years in Maine....including all of those winters. Yikes. He made most of his supplies but stole most of his stuff and all of his food from the neighbors. He was like a ninja thief. They finally caught him with Homeland Security technology. He's a little odd. At first I kind of was like ok, ok, I get it but I looked up photos of him.  And in his photos he looks like a younger Larry David but with Stephen Miller's shark eyes. Ever meet someone and you're like, who are you fooling?  I'm pretty sure you are a sociopath. Christopher did have a sweet tooth but I never trust someone who doesn't like desserts. Although sometimes those people are simply alcoholics.

Stranger in the Woods is a weird biography because Christopher had mixed feelings about discussing his life so Michael Finkel had to stretch out some of the material. It would have been a better magazine article rather than a short book but overall I enjoyed it.  I'm fascinated by survival stories and preppers and things.  I think if we couldn't leave the house how long could we live on the food we have. I figure the liquor cabinet could be like the "bank" and if I had clean water and electricity I could live pretty long on all of my damn quinoa and two dozen artisan grains. But....the cats would get "hangry" and try to eat my face and then my mental musings start to fall apart. 

Apparently, Christopher did occasionally steal liquor but had to take what he could get including strawberry schappes and margarita mix.  We can do better than that.  I'm thinking something woodsy and botanical but a bit more sophisticated.  How about a Lavender Bourbon Cocktail: First make a simple syrup but with a mix of sugar and honey. Then add a vanilla bean (or 1 tsp extract) and 3 tablespoons culinary grade lavender and cook a little further about 10 minutes. Cool and strain. In a highball glass with ice, use one ounce of this syrup, 2 to 3 ounces of decent bourbon, juice of 1/2 lime, and 4 ounces of ginger ale. Stir and serve with a lime slice. Enjoy the simple fact you can have ice in the summer.