From Here to Eternity

Cool, casual book about death rituals around the world. No biggie. Your funeral doesn't have to be normal. Maybe you want a hipster funeral and artisan made casket from Etsy and a wake with craft cocktails? Maybe you want to be shot into space hugging Elon Musk? Maybe he's not even dead yet. I don't know what your funeral fantasies are. Maybe you want your body to be stuffed with bamboo and then dropped into a panda preserve? They might eat it. I don't know.  The lady at the zoo said they sometimes eat meat and an overly confident duck met her early demise at the enclosure at The San Diego zoo. I say it was duck bet gone bad. One of those "Hold my snail." kind of things.

The author is a funeral director talks about funerals around the world and frankly, we are kind of lame.  She slipped in a casual breezy quote from my former thesis adviser and that was surprising but cool. I get made fun of at work if I mention anything resembling the words "thesis adviser" because I work with a bunch of cretins. They would never want a bamboo/panda funeral.  No creativity and no "vision" really.

This is worth reading if you are curious about death rituals around the world or would like kind of an in-depth Atlas Obscura kind of thing. This is not heavy-duty and not an in-depth study into the various belief systems around the world. Breezy. A very breezy death book. 

Celebrate life and the end of summer with this intriguing cocktail--I mean, you only live once. Giro d' Italia:  2 ounces of good bourbon, 3/4 ounce of lemon juice, 3/4 agave nectar and 2 cherry tomatoes and a few basil leaves. Muddle the cherry tomatoes and 4 basil leaves in glass and then pour into a cocktail shaker.  Add the other ingredients and shake over ice.  Strain into an old fashioned glass with a little ice. Garnish with a sprig of basil. 

The Heart's Invisible Furies

Do you remember those old Gold Bond Powder commercials? They claimed to heal everything from: jock itch, psoriasis, athlete's foot, tax issues...wait. The Heart's Invisible Furies is a tale for every ailment, struggle or historical event, good or bad, that could impact a gay man's life in the 20th century. It all happened for our protagonist. Think a very Irish Forrest Gump.

A big sweeping epic tale of one man's life, which is either a very interesting life or maybe a fable that is sad with elements of humor. I seem to recall Angela's Ashes was like this? Look at this tragic tale but also maybe here are some jokes?  Well, without the humor it would be extra sad. Crazy sad. Still, seems odd. I think it's an Irish thing.  A lot of people love this book. I think it was worth the time to read especially for book club for humans that lived at least some time in the 20th century. I don't know, you could be young. If so, you did not get that Forrest Gump joke...or that Gold Bond Powder joke. (Edits out A-Team joke).

I just looked up the active ingredient in Gold Bond powder and it's menthol. Menthol seems like such an anticlimactic active ingredient. Oh you'll still have fungus and be seething but pain but it will be minty fresh.

Why not cheer yourself up while doing some day drinking with Mimosa Margaritas: this makes a bunch... 2 cups orange juice, 1/2 cup tequila, 1/4 cup lime juice and stir (chill if needed).  Rim your glasses with orange juice and salt (or sugar if you like it sweet) and add you mix. Top with chilled champagne or prosecco. 

Fifth Season (Broken Earth Trilogy)

Do you know your Mohs' scale? How's your plate tectonic knowledge? Well, you didn't know you'd need that geology class while trying to relax reading a fantasy book. You thought your Bachelors in Elf Sciences would be enough.  Don't worry, it's not like the math problems of The Martian. And a lot less boob jokes. Actually, no boob jokes. A boob or two will come up in this trilogy but that's a serious matter.

The series does have cool world-building based on earthquake magic. Keep in mind this is set in a post-apocalyptic world so the snacking breaks are both few and lame.  Apparently if they run out of meat they will die. Wait a minute, I haven't eaten meat in over 20 years and I'm not dead yet, so that part was irksome. You will not die. You will be regular and have energy to run from monsters. C'mon.

I liked this series much more than her other book but I have a hard time relating to her characters. They feature strong women leaders that put themselves in harm's way. Not me. I'm more like Tyrion Lannister. First, why is this now my problem to solve? Second, if it needs to be solved can my book learning and sneaky understanding of basic psychology solve the problem?  Most importantly, can I convince someone else to put themselves in harm's way?  Also, we can plan and solve problems over wine and add a little joke too. I GET YOU TYRION. 

You'll need to read these all back to back as she does not recap. The good news is that the second book is probably the best one in the series which is unusual. It is a big commitment though.

Hey, if you have a volcanic winter you're going to be missing some sunshine. So drink a Sunshine: 2 ounces of white rum, 1/2 ounce french vermouth, one ounce pineapple juice and one dash grenadine.  Combine all in shaker with ice and strain into a coupe glass.

I Might Regret This

Abbi's book about heartbreak. I don't think I've ever gone through heartbreak like the kind she describes in this book.  I had guys break up with me and it felt like getting fired from a  really crappy job... you...are firing me? How dare you? I'm sad! Oh wait, this is awesome. The longest I've been sad is three days. I've been sadder longer about being out of maraschino cherries. Hey, when you are out of the actual cherries you can put the syrup over ice cream...it's the gift that keeps on giving.

Abbi is very much a Millennial which is fine, fine, Millennials have passed baby boomers recently as the biggest generation. I welcome our new overloads. I love all the headlines that say "Millennials are killing Hooters by never going to the completely outdated concept for overpriced crappy food and misogyny." I might be paraphrasing.

I Might Regret This will make a lot more sense if you've seen Broad City. Some say you don't need to but I really think you should. Otherwise this book makes almost no sense. It's decent but at the same time don't feel bad if you skip it. She has some of her drawings in here which are quaint but also kind of crappy? I don't mean to be a hater but it kind of inspires to draw again as I would never publish those. She definitely puts herself out there in Broad City and this book. Not me. Nothing is ever good enough. A Gen X book is more title is more like: This Book Probably Sucks.

Abbi gets an over-hyped and overpriced cactus pear margarita. I think I once had a cactus pear candy. It was underwhelming. They just don't have a ton of flavor. Cute as all get-out though. Lets try a better margarita and: Raspberry Margarita mix 1 &1/2 ounces tequila, 1 ounce triple sec or Cointreau, 1 ounce lime juice, and 1/2 fresh raspberries and one cup of ice in a blender. Blend until smooth and pour into a chilled margarita glass.  Garish with a fresh raspberry. Normally I'm against frozen blended drinks but with summers like this I'm willing to forgo my prejudice.

Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are?

So Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are? No. There I saved you some effort. Apparently scientists in animal behavior are kind of like PG rap-battlers...."You didn't get peer reviewed research, Fool!"  I bet you didn't even do a fellowship in that field...sucker." "Don't come all up in here with without empirical evidence to support that hypothesis....dummy."

Honestly, when I pick up a non-fiction book on animals I just want to know what dolphins are thinking. I just want some wonderment in my life is that too much to ask? The thesis is solid in this book but it takes all the wind out my sails. I just want to know about whales' songs....like what are they saying? I like to think they cover all kinds of news like: Mabel is mating with Chester this year, be careful around Japan these days, there is an underwater volcano near the Azores right now and my barnacles are really bothering me.  I'm going to try to scrape them off on Newfoundland. Hey, if you see Ethel tell her I haven't forgotten....she'll know what that means.

If you want a book more like that then you should read Alex and Me. That book made me laugh and cry. This book casually mentions her research in a polite but patronizing way.  Fine, the lady's life work is wasted. You win. But do you? She gets to spend her time with talking parrots who are ornery and adorable and you have chimps give you the side eye. Who really wins? Who am I kidding he has a fulfilling life dealing with banana hiding chimps. Most people I know spend all day trying to save an insurance company extra money or trying to sell cigarettes to babies. Even worse, they want to talk to me about their job...ewww...why can't people make up fake whale conversations like normal people?

Animals love fruit. But I suspect they don't like lemons. Too bad for them and more for me. It's hot and this sounds delicious: Limoncello Collins (This makes a pitcher--serves 8): 16 ounces of Limoncello, 12 ounces of gin, 8 ounces of fresh lemon juice, and cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours.  Make 24 paper-thin lemon slices and press 3 lemon slices inside of a Collins glass (it's just a tallish glass), stir the mixture and add to glass and stir in 2 ounces of club soda. Garnish with a mint sprig if you will. 

The Romanvos

Remember the club descriptions from "Stefon" from SNL?  This book is uncannily similar.  Go to Club Romanov...there are giantesses, dwarfs, magic drinking cups...a fat lady marrying a pig, sex cults...it has everything.  Add pretty much the whole plot to Game of Thrones minus the dragons and you have a clue as to the Romanovs. (Yes, it's big and occasionally boring with everyone fighting over Poland for some reason). 

Now, anyone who writes a biography or anything really can pick and choose and this author really picked some extra juicy bits I suspect. Lots of sex and war.  A lot...of sex. Yes, venereal diseases because well, penicillin was discovered  in 1928. People got sick a lot. Syphilis, typhus, poisoning and the occasional gunshot wound. It was rough back then. Well, I think Russia might be rough right now too.

If you don't mind some military strategy it's a big book but actually more compelling than Fire and Blood. I was reading that at the same time which was really kind of freaky. The ending is certainly something GRRM would write. The whole book you'll be shaking your head like....what? What a weirdo!  No! That's dumb! You are lucky that worked!  Also, be wary of anyone called "The Great" because those folks are like frat house President and every night is pledge night.

A good classic Black Russian seems right: 1 and 1/2 ounces vodka and add 3/4 ounce coffee liquor and an optional maraschino cherry.  I have some Polish vodka and someone could fight over it if they want.

Murder of Roger Ackroyd

If you already know about the Dunning-Kruger effect than you don't probably don't suffer that illusion. I think of it as a existential experiment, am I so dumb that I think I'm smart? Well, after reading two Agatha Christie books and not figuring either out either one of them--the verdict. A little dumb. That's fine. Jokes on you, I knew that already. Hey, that's what mystery books are supposed to do, especially by a grand dame like Ms. Christie. Like when Homer conned a carny..."We were beaten by the best, boy. We were beaten by the best."

This is a Hercule Poirot book and he purposely acts like a dingbat which reminds me of another underestimated dingbat/genius who is better known as Columbo. I also feel like I'm missing a Great Britain-Belgium joke in this book. Are we supposed to think Belgians are likable but naive? Like Canadians? Even if I'm not in on the joke I think I get it. Americans must seem like Australopithecus. Hey, if Americans are the vestiges of this primitive species then why are they named after Australia? *Taps head*

Anyway, The Murder of Roger Ackroyd took an unexpected turn which surprised me. Hurrah! I definitely recommend this if you need an escape. Take this into your tree, bring some foraged nuts, your hoard of lizard heads and enjoy.

Despite my primitive nature this book deserves something sophisticated. Try this Blush Sake cocktail: 1&1/2 ounces sake (Gekkikan preferred), 1/2 ounce Cointreau, 1/2 ounce cranberry juice, splash of lime juice, 2 dashes orange bitters.  Put all this in a cocktail shaker with ice and shake and strain into a chilled martini glass.  This is light enough for what Americans call sun-in-sky-before-mammoth-roam-time, aka brunch.