Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are?


So Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are? No. There I saved you some effort. Apparently scientists in animal behavior are kind of like PG rap-battlers...."You didn't get peer reviewed research, Fool!"  I bet you didn't even do a fellowship in that field...sucker." "Don't come all up in here with without empirical evidence to support that hypothesis....dummy."

Honestly, when I pick up a non-fiction book on animals I just want to know what dolphins are thinking. I just want some wonderment in my life is that too much to ask? The thesis is solid in this book but it takes all the wind out my sails. I just want to know about whales' songs....like what are they saying? I like to think they cover all kinds of news like: Mabel is mating with Chester this year, be careful around Japan these days, there is an underwater volcano near the Azores right now and my barnacles are really bothering me.  I'm going to try to scrape them off on Newfoundland. Hey, if you see Ethel tell her I haven't forgotten....she'll know what that means.

If you want a book more like that then you should read Alex and Me. That book made me laugh and cry. This book casually mentions her research in a polite but patronizing way.  Fine, the lady's life work is wasted. You win. But do you? She gets to spend her time with talking parrots who are ornery and adorable and you have chimps give you the side eye. Who really wins? Who am I kidding he has a fulfilling life dealing with banana hiding chimps. Most people I know spend all day trying to save an insurance company extra money or trying to sell cigarettes to babies. Even worse, they want to talk to me about their job...ewww...why can't people make up fake whale conversations like normal people?

Animals love fruit. But I suspect they don't like lemons. Too bad for them and more for me. It's hot and this sounds delicious: Limoncello Collins (This makes a pitcher--serves 8): 16 ounces of Limoncello, 12 ounces of gin, 8 ounces of fresh lemon juice, and cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours.  Make 24 paper-thin lemon slices and press 3 lemon slices inside of a Collins glass (it's just a tallish glass), stir the mixture and add to glass and stir in 2 ounces of club soda. Garnish with a mint sprig if you will. 

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