Monday, January 6, 2014

Tequila Mockingbird

You can make money publishing a book pairing cocktails and snarky book reviews?  What?  Ha! Well, the jokes on you Tim Federle, I do it for free.  Wait.... Tequila Mockingbird has the format and style of an old school cocktail book.   Every drink has its corresponding book and there is a never ending bombardment of puns.  I think puns should be used sparingly, like nutmeg. Maybe even less than nutmeg.  Like aspic. We should be given a finite amount of puns in a lifetime. Everyone knows someone who has used them all up.  Under that logic, its now TIME FOR THEM TO DIE.  Another word of warning, some of the drinks are clearly for joke purposes.  Now, I will say or do most anything for a good joke.  I will read a crappy book if it will make for some jokes (I will be honest with you about the book's crappiness).  But I will NOT give you a joke drink (unless its patently obvious--which I have totally done). 

For example, under Remembrance of Things Pabst (yes--all puns!) the recipe calls for 6 oz of iced tea (Earl Grey), 1 12 oz. can of beer, like Pabst, and a lemon wedge.  I think this will taste pretty nasty.  In the Postman Always Brings Ice it calls for 1 oz. ouzo (we're already in trouble) and 1 can of cola.  WTF?  No!  Are you trying to kill me?!  Here's the deal, alcohol is too expensive and has too many calories for these joke cocktails.  Some of the cocktails look ok, but he is crazy with the mixers.  For Infinite Zest, the book description has footnotes (which is pretty cute) but the recipe calls for 2 oz of vodka, 1 ounce lemoncello and 1/2 oz lemon juice.  Now, there is no doubt in my mind that this will taste fine.  However, you are killing the subtly of the lemoncello by pairing it with straight lemon juice.  Maybe someone who uses all of these puns has never heard of subtlety.   Almost all of the recipes have strong fruit juices and lots of soft drinks mixed in.  Maybe the author doesn't like the taste of alcohol?  He is a Broadway actor by trade, perhaps these are his pre-show "power" juices. 

The good news is that the book is pretty funny and some of the jokes look awfully familiar, which, in my humble opinion, is a fine thing.  Anyone that make a Virginia Woolf rock joke is ok by me.  So, if you like this blog, read the book, but drink at your own risk.

What to drink with this book?  Not all of the drinks look bad and this one looks promising:  A Cocktail of Two Cities:  1 sugar cube, 1 oz. gin, 1/2 ounce lemon juice (I'd probably put a splash in myself) and champagne.  Place the sugar cube in the flute, pour the gin and lemon juice in a shaker with ice and shake well.  Strain into the flute and fill to the top with Champagne. Hurrah!  

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