Sunday, February 15, 2015

Assassin's Apprentice and Royal Assassin

What if you could read an animal's mind?  So many fantasy books have this as a theme, because let's face it, we are total suckers. Crispin, the fictional author in The Bone Clocks, even regretted his choice of genre, lamenting that he should have written books about lonely children that can talk to animals. (Ah, Crispin, your snarky observations were astute, indeed). It's true, I have read many sub-par fantasy novels with this common trope.  It would be too harsh of me to say these books (the first two in the Farseer Trilogy) are sub-par, but the second book was frustrating.  Indeed.  

I've thought about this, and honestly, I don't think I want to read my pet's mind.  I kind of already know what they are thinking anyway.  My girl cat:  Hey, I'm hungry, seriously, I'm hungry....for reals, getting hungry.  HUNGRY!  I would be like, I've GOT it. You want to be so fat you can't reach the window? I don't care...hungry. 

From my boy cat: Dude, (he talks like a surfer) I'm bored, where's that Bird thing?  You never play with it!  I do too, I'm going to watch you swing it around and just get super flat on this floor and watch you make it fly. How is that playing?  I'll go for it once. Maybe after about ten minutes, I gotta figure out his patterns, Dude.

Anyway, our boy hero in Assassin's Apprentice can speak to animals, and they are loyal, very intelligent and not nearly as manipulative as my animals.  I wish that this was the main theme of the book, but truly this is a "court intrigue" high fantasy.  Heavy on the intrigue.  Not as sophisticated, action-packed or byzantine as Game of Thrones, so it starts to kind of drag in the second book.  (Not that GOT always moves the plot forward with the speed of light either).  So, if you like characters that talk to animals, read the first book and consider yourself warned about the second. 

There is a lot of dog-talk in this book, so I think you should drink a Bloodhound: 2 parts gin, 1 part sweet vermouth, 1 part dry vermouth, and 2 or 3 crushed strawberries.  Shake with ice, strain and serve with a fresh strawberry.  I know strawberries aren't in season yet, but they will be. HUNGRY!  



No comments:

Post a Comment