Moon Over Soho

When you have a detective novel that has magical elements, you have so many options for wiener jokes. I mean, expandable batons, magic wands, wizard's staff...the list goes on and on.  Moon Over Soho is Ben Aaronovitch's novel about a young London policeman who has some magical powers and this book has plenty of jokes.  Some of his jokes fall on deaf ears because I have no idea what he is talking about. While we speak the same language, let's face it, British slang is different.  If we would ask an American and Brit to point to their respective "fannies"....well, you would get different results.  Very different results. One might punch you in the face. 

Moon over Soho is a sequel to Midnight Riot, the first in the Peter Grant series (I don't think Peter is slang for a wiener in Britain--but introduce yourself as Randy and you will get giggles--it's so complicated) .  If you want to read this book, you need to read the first in the series, because it picks right back up with the original plot.  It has some geeky references too (I don't get all of those either). Ben Aaronovitch used to write for Dr. Who.  If that's not geek cred I don't know what is. This is light.  This has none of gravitas of The Goldfinch  (thank God).  Oddly, both books have Harry Potter references.  One cannot avoid Harry Potter. 

I remember recommending the first book to some of my Anglophile friends and they liked it.  If you are not an Anglophile, don't like mysteries, or fantasy, then skip it.  I liked the first one just enough to give this a try and I needed a break from that damn Goldfinch. I needed a therapy session after that book. I liked this one just enough to likely read the third.  They go fast, its not a steak dinner, it's more like eating a wiener. Yeah, I went there.

Drinks: Drink this with a pint of bitter, just like Peter's wizard boss.  What is that?  It's just the British term for a pale ale (I know it's exhausting)  Now, there are IPA's and pale ales.  Pale ale's have less alcohol and are much less hoppy than India Pale Ales.  British bitters tend to be malty and you can get something called an American Pale Ale, which is more hoppy.  (Again, exhausting.) Pale ales are perfect for summer and taste great with food, especially if you don't like lagers (blech).  I like Bell's Pale Ale, which is not properly British. I've heard that Three Floyd's makes an amazing pale ale called Alpha King (sounds both redundant and boastful).  I'm ready this summer to do some more research for you to see if it lives up to its name.    

The Goldfinch

Donna Tartt only publishes a book every ten years.  When they come out, the publishing world goes ape-crap.  Apparently she spends the ten years between publishing books...writing...in longhand.  I think if she learned to type she could spend 2 years writing and the other 8 playing Bejeweled Blitz. (Donna, if you want to score over 350,000 points you're going to need a special gem.) Also, she must be very disciplined to make her paychecks last every ten years.  Stephen King must spend money like a baller buyin' Crystal in da club.

Anyway, this book was very hyped and it is good, but I didn't love it. Without spoilers, it's a big book (nearly 800 pages), and not, say, a light summertime read.  It is a coming of age novel about a teenager and his young adult years. Some of the people in this book are real turds. Tartt does a great job of making up fake rich people names including "Platt" and "Kitsey."  She went to Middlebury, so she would know. 

Anyway, our protagonist, Theo, goes through quite a bit of adversity and drama.  It is full of some life lessons, none of which apply to me as I am not rich, a recreational drug user, nor have I been heavily concussed. Of those three, the concussion is the most I can ever hope for.  It also does that weird thing that some books do and spends the last ten pages telling you the book's meaning.  I'm like, lady if I haven't learned its meaning after 770 pages well…I mean, YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE.  Other cons: It is lacking wizards, dragons and humor.  Pros: there are a few Harry Potter references.  I'm pretty sure those HP references are why she won the Pulitzer. It is possible she won it because she is a very good writer.  We will never know for sure.  

Some of the book is set in Amsterdam. Also, you should drink this with a yellow (goldfinch colored) pretty light cocktail.  This one seems perfect for summer: Dutch Lemonade: 1 & 1/2 ounces of citrus flavored vodka, 3 ounces fresh lemonade.  Add ice to a rocks glass, add the citrus vodka and lemonade and stir gently.  Garnish with a lemon twist. 

Thunderstruck

I can't help but think about AC/DC's Angus Young screaming THUNDERSTRUCK! THUNDER! (da da da daaa da da da da) every time I picked up this book.  In all fairness, that's not really a bad way to start any reading session. I was reading this book at the same time as The Luminaries, and it kind of freaked me out when both books were talking about seances.  I guess it was a hot thing at the time, like in the future when authors will write about this time as the era of being famous for having a big butt.  Future cyborgs will be like, people got rich for having big butts?  Yes, yes, they did.

Eric Larson writes this non-fiction book as two parallel stories that converge at some point.  I suppose they did, (vaguely) but one story was soooo much more compelling than the other.  One story is one of the most famous murders in English history and the other was Marconi's invention of the wireless and his challenges while developing the technology.  This book starts strong and ends strong but the middle (the longest part) is so tedious I don't think I can recommend it.  Unless you are really into failed wireless telegraph stations.  You are? Well….then you already know Marconi was kind of an ass.  Spoiler alert.  Marconi was an ass.  He was young, rich and famous.  He invented something scientific but didn't understand the math and he got all the credit but it was built on the foundation of mathematicians and scientists. It feels Zuckerbergian.  We'll see if Mark Zuckerberg keeps trading for younger and younger wives and also befriends the ghost of Mussolini.  Actually, that would make for an interesting story. Maybe Social Network 2: Mussolini's Ghost, staring Nicolas Cage.

Did you know Marconi was actually a Jameson? You should read this with a cocktail that uses Irish whisky. Actually this one has a toddy flavor but for summertime. Perfect.  The Copywriter (I did not make that up): 2 ounces Irish whiskey, such as Jameson, 3/4 ounce freshly squeezed lemon juice, 1/2 ounce honey simple syrup (half honey, half hot water), 1/2 ounce sweet vermouth, seltzer, lemon twist.  Shake all of the ingredients (except the seltzer and lemon peel) in a cocktail shaker with ice, strain and pour into a Collins glass.  Top with the seltzer and garnish with the lemon twist. 

        

The Luminaries

Man Booker prize.  That sounds like a male modeling agency award.  It turns out it is the literary award for the best book written in the English language from the Commonwealth of Nations.  Eleanor Catton is pretty young to win such a prestigious award. I think of Eleanor as an older person's name but no, she's so young it's like hot again.  I heard some kids playing last week yelling at Edith.  I'm like Edith is a kid's name now? What the hell?  I'm waiting for Ethel to make a comeback.  Or Betty. 

Anyway, The Luminaries is a muscular sized book, set in New Zealand, during the 1860's gold rush; it's like a classier Deadwood.  The book uses the old convention, like in Cloud Atlas, of writing curse words like this "D--n."  If Deadwood had been written like that, the dialog would look like Morse code.  "G-d d--n, c--------r."

This book has more characters than a Newport Kentucky Arby's.  It's mostly men, so I think it's easier to just categorize them into two categories.  Younger characters, in my mind, are Jude Law from the Sherlock Holmes movie.  Older characters are Wilford Brimley with a waxed mustache.  French guy--French Jude Law, Jewish guy--Jewish Wilford Brimley.  Of the two Chinese guys, I just made one tall.  Two girls? One's a blonde and one's a redhead.  Piece of cake.  Hey, I've read five Game of Thrones books.  I've got this.

I liked this book.  It's a complicated mystery and money scheming type plot.  I feel like not all the questions were resolved to my satisfaction but it did hold my interest.  But then, with that many Jude Laws running around in the rain no wonder it won the male model prize.  And I wonder why I'm disappointed with the movie adaptations of books.

Drinks:  They didn't have cocktails back in the 1860's they had c---------rs.  No, they drink stout or dry sherry, which is fine I suppose but I'm really feeling a cocktail these days.  This book has a men's club feel so why not drink with a Pegu Club?  2 ounces of gin, 3/4 ounce Cointreau, 1/2 ounce lime juice, 1 dash aromatic bitters and 1 dash orange bitters. Shake in a cocktail shaker, serve straight up with a lime wedge. 

Ender's Game

Can a total creep write a really good book?  Sure, you bet.  I had mixed feelings about reading this book, it is a Sci-Fi classic, but I knew that Orson Scott Card was how... shall we say...."controversial." A devout Mormon, Card is an outspoken and vehement opponent of gay marriage.  There are also claims that he has racist and misogynistic tendencies.  Gay marriage doesn't come up at all in Ender's Game (unless you consider the word "bugger" slang for gay men--because they are the enemy).  He does say something outrageously sexist and uses the "N-word" and in a casual and joking way. After I read that part I was like, "When was this book written?  I am thinking, Mad Men early 60's.  Nope. 1985. Wow, what a jerk.

A friend, who is a girl, who loves Sci-Fi and is brilliant (suck on that, Card) recommended the book.  She is not wrong; it is an excellent coming of age Sci-Fi novel.  It also has some Arthur C. Clarke prescient moments about the Internet.  Unfortunately, Card assumes that women will "devolve" and the feminist movement was one bad dream.  (I can see him rocking silently at his desk.) Anyway, Ender Wiggins, boy genius, is our only hope for salvation from the aliens.  If you were born gifted, I'm sure this book resonates with the loneliness and isolation that being that smart can bring. I have no idea what he's talking about. Me not smart. My loneliness is likely because of my weird taste in music and pale complexion.  Spending all my childhood days in the basement watching MTV for hours and hours had nothing to do with it.

So if you do read Ender's Game, you should not buy the book or DVD of the movie (library only please), because no one wants a certain someone to get the royalties.  But, it really is a classic and I found it compelling. It makes me want to re-read Ready Player One, because there have to be references in there.  Earnest Cline seems like an awesome guy, so if they ever make that movie I will buy a ticket for opening weekend. 

There isn't a whole lot of drinking in Ender's Game because he's like, eight.  How about an outer-space "trick" drink that would impress your friends?  The Aurora looks like the Aurora Borealis because apparently while pink in natural light, when you put a black light to it, it turns phosphorescent aquamarine. This recipe makes a lot so half or quarter accordingly:  The Aurora:  2 liters gin or vodka, 9 liters tonic water, 3-4 canisters of pink-lemonade concentrate.  Mix the ingredients before the party; add the ice just before drinking.      

The Happiness Project

Do we really hate those qualities in others that we hate about ourselves?  I think that's like a Zen thing, either that, or I saw that on an existential Popsicle stick.  I think it was Popsicle brand's, "Walden edition." Well, anyway, Gretchen Rubin's book, The Happiness Project  has some qualities I can relate to, yet qualities I hate.  Well, she is a former lawyer turned writer (cough), with a happy life but looking to enhance it by conducting self-improvement projects (cough, cough, STAGE COUGH).  Here is where it gets different; at least I'd like to think it's different than me.  It turns out she's kind of a douche.  There is just no other way to say it.  A person does not casually mention they clerked for Sandra Day O'Connor.  No.  A person might casually mention they ate a rat testicle in front of Joe Rogen on Fear Factor.  Also, it seems she lacks a sense of humor, at least about herself. She even wrote that she got a negative review on one of her earlier books and the email correspondence with the reviewer and how hard it was for her to write. Something to the effect that those things you pointed out were the same things I criticize about myself... and his reply, something about "aplomb" (Barf.).

Even her failures are successes.  Well, I didn't get my essay published in the New York Times, but I did get it published on Huffington Post.  FU, lady.  Well, I should have known, anyone that lives in Manhattan is already rich, then she said that she had a "bedroom" and an "office."  You have rooms!  You must be a millionaire.  Then she drops the O'Connor bomb.  When trying to "declutter" she can't bear to part with the T-shirt she wore to an aerobics class with Justice O'Connor, whom she was working for at the time.  Ugh. Now, a good editor is not going to tell you not to put that in, but a good friend or husband might.  She needs a Keepin' it Real project.  Of course, I know lots of overachievers who need that.  Maybe that's what keeps me from being an overachiever.  That and all those rat testicles I ate on Fear Factor.  

I feel like any drink should make you happy.  If your drinks are not making you happy, perhaps you have bigger problems than this book can solve.  One that I made up that makes me happy is my version of a Gimlet. A classic gimlet uses Rose's Lime juice or Lime Cordial. My version:  2 ounces gin, 3/4 ounce lime juice, 1/2 ounce simple syrup (or to taste).  Add ice and shake, pour into a martini glass.      

Let's Pretend This Never Happened

Ah, the blog to published book phenomena.  It has been done, and done well.  But my experience has been reading food blogs to cookbooks and we need to face the facts people...THE FOOD BLOGGERS ARE THE ROCK STARS OF THE BLOGGING WORLD.  If you've heard of a food blog or it wins some kind of award....that blog is amazing.  Like insane.  If you look at the photography, the recipes, the food knowledge and the content...whoa.  Oh, and read between the lines, such as: I was finishing my PhD dissertation and decided to have a dessert party for a professor and play chamber music (as in an instrument--not on an I-pod) and make 3 complicated desserts, one of which was homemade ice cream, that were amazing.  I am not kidding.  Food bloggers are the overachievers of the blogging world.  The people that blog little funny stories, they are just looking for a creative outlet so they don't have an affair, become a serial killer, get an eating disorder or kill their mothers.  Although an efficient serial killer would start with their mother and then go on from there.  What am I saying, that's overachiever food blogger thinking. 

Anyway, Jenny Lawson was not a food blogger but one of those "embarrassing-story-did-this-really-happen-or-this-would-be-funny-if-it-actually-did-happen" writers.  David Sedaris is the ultimate version of this type of humor.  Unfortunately, Jenny is not David Sedaris. This is not that polished.  It's, like, say, a blog post put together in a quasi-chronological order.  But, even a disorganized and not quite as funny David Sedaris is still good for a laugh.  If you believe in organization or editing (I kind of do!) then I would skip this.  If you don't mind funny ramblings from, a friend, (and using vagina as a punchline, um, like every joke) then pick it up.  It's only 318 pages.

Jenny goes on a girl's weekend with other bloggers to wine country.  So you should read this with ten glasses of wine.  As always, start with the good stuff.